Clive remembers. Joshua had always been sickly as a child. Not enough that it stopped him from living pretty normally, but running was never a talent. Meanwhile, Clive had been more active and involved in sports and the like. It's honestly probably one of the reasons he survived the accident all those years ago, having a healthy and strong body.
And now he's here, bleeding on the sidewalk in front of a bar because his life has gone nowhere but downhill ever since then. If Joshua had seen him in uniform a few years back, then it must have been right before he was discharged. Right before his commanding officer died.
Because of him.
Just a few feet away is Tillmann's...friend? Baying for his blood. What a fucking poetic mess this is.
He pulls his hand away from his face and sees the back of it smeared with blood, as he expected. It probably won't stop quickly, not with alcohol in his system. Of all the times to get attacked, it had to be when he's not at his best. But Clive also gingerly prods the inside of his cheek with his tongue, almost afraid to find out if the glass cut all the way through. He doesn't taste any blood and he doesn't find a hole in his cheek, but neither does he press any harder in case the skin is barely hanging on. Thank God for what he has, though. He replaces his hand on his cheek before continuing his conversation with Joshua, shaky as it may be.
"We didn't instigate this, at least, so it shouldn't be a problem, but..." Clive trails off, giving his cheek a moment to rest because it still really hurts and he shouldn't stretch it too much. There's also more of the truth on the tip of his tongue, but he's unsure if he should let Joshua know right now and in this situation.
But it's Joshua and he deserves the truth, even if it might put Clive in a weaker light in his brother's eyes. "The authorities know me. They might suspect...things." Okay, so that's still vague, but he's not going to talk about how he killed a man when there are so many people crowded around them. At least the ambulance is Johnny-on-the-spot. Clive just wants to get away. "Don't worry about me. I can handle the pain." Joshua will worry, though. He knows he will.
The ambulance is here, and they will need to wait with far more conversation, but there are things Joshua does need to say before backing off for the EMT starts examining his brother and loading him into the ambulance - and yes, he's riding with him.
"I know what happened, brother. I talked with people in that bar. You did it to protect someone. I'm still here." Oh, he can guess what his brother is thinking. That, knowing, Joshua would turn away from him. But he knows.
The EMT being close, Joshua finally moves properly away to let them work.
Joshua knows what happened. Well, Clive can't be too surprised. It's not a secret Clint Richmond was involved in that situation, but the number of people who know that he is Clint can be counted on one hand. And now his brother is added to that list. Clive wishes he didn't know. Clive also had no way of expecting to see his previously dead brother earlier tonight, either.
The EMTs quickly clean his cheek and put a temporary bandage on for the ambulance ride so they can focus more on Clive's hands. They help lift him up inside and Clive immediately looks for Joshua. There's a comfort in seeing him again, one he hasn't felt for years, but when his brother hauls himself into the ambulance, too, some part of the world finally seems to click back into place.
Clive wonders if this is how Joshua felt when they were younger, when he would look at his brother in moments of stress. Clive had always tried to bear the brunt of their mother's disdain, though, to be fair, it was usually aimed at him to begin with. He learned from a young age what it was like to not have a mother's love, but he wouldn't let Joshua grow up with any less. Their mother may have treated him better, but she didn't treat him well, so Clive made sure his brother felt another kind of love, some kind of protection.
He feels like Joshua's protecting him now, all this time later. Even if hearing the name Clint feels wrong coming from him. "Thank you," he murmurs. The EMTs may think he means them, and he certainly is grateful, but his gaze finds Joshua instead.
It is not that his father didn't love them, at least, but what Clive always, always gave him was so much more. It made his place in the world, uncertain thanks to his own frail health and lack of strength, a little less terrifying. So long as he had his brother's love, he would be all right. And he tried, with all his little self, to love him back, even if there was only so much he could do in turn.
Now, he can do a little more. He wishes he could have taken away the pain and just whisked his brother to have time to themselves, but he is only human, a historian, at that, not a medic. So he will have to trust in others.
He hears the thanks, and sees the look at him, and his eyes smile at his brother. It seems that the alcohol fog - yes, he could smell that - is lifting and the reality that they are together again is sinking in. Meanwhile Joshua himself is feeling the effect of the adrenaline from the fright that those two men were going to actually kill his brother, and the color is draining from his face. His hand grips around the inhaler, in case he needs it...
The other, he brushes two fingers against his lips, and then gently caresses Clive's forehead with them, as close to kissing his brow soothingly as he can get away with, right now.
Clive's own adrenaline rapidly ebbs away as they are driven to the hospital. His whole body aches, let alone the enduring pain in his hands and cheek, and a part of him wants to just lie down completely on this stretcher and go to sleep, but he keeps himself upright. The EMTs don't work on fishing out the glass from his hands just yet, in case the drive jostles them and they end up shoving some shards in even deeper. That's fine. Clive can take the pain.
What he very nearly can't take, however, is Joshua's transferred kiss, so achingly gentle and sincere. Clive shuts his eyes against the welling tears and wishes they were alone in this ambulance. More than anything he wants to gather his brother into his arms, his hands be damned, and just hold him.
But he has to wait before he can do any of that. At least it doesn't take long to get to the hospital, though it takes some time to be treated. His hands are looked at and a nurse painstakingly removes the glass shards before cleaning his wounds and bandaging them up. Then the bandage on his face is removed and the laceration is cleaned again. The cut hadn't gone too deeply, but liquid stitches are applied to keep Clive from tearing it open more, and then dressed.
With a prescription for some stronger painkillers, Clive gets his discharge papers and is ushered out of the emergency department and into the cooler air of the night.
"This is...not how I expected my night to end up."
Joshua had a bit of a bad moment, once Clive was out of his sight. That was.. the thought that he had come so close to losing his brother again, after having just found him was a terror that he had not considered, and it slammed into him with a force that had him curling up on the floor of a bathroom stall and just try to breathe. (Count of six out, count of three in.) It took many painful minutes before his mind cleared somewhat, and he was sorely missing his bathtub because of how he was shivering.
But he slowly sat up, then moved to the toilet seat, head between his knees to catch his breath a little, before finally daring to straighten up and go wash his hands and face, and sit in the waiting room.
In a little while, he took out his phone, sending to Dion,
I found him. Unfortunately, so did some friends of the reason he was discharged. We're at the ER, I am unhurt. I will write more in the morning.
He didn't know if Dion would worry... but he suspected it might be the case.
Now Clive is back out, and Joshua is going to wrap himself against his side like a sticker.
"Not even remotely, although I would say your night would have gone off-course anyway." One hand waves in the direction of the entrance. "There are taxis over there. Let me take you home?" Beat. "Your home. I'd love to take you to mine but you need rest more than the travel."
He will worry about feeding Clive once they get there. If either of them is up for food before the morning, anyway. Joshua isn't very sure he is, himself.
A sticker brother has been acquired and, despite Clive's body practically screaming for a proper lie-down, he doesn't even care. The night is cool, but Joshua is warm and real and alive. He looks toward the entrance and nods a little absently. Right. There's a bed in his flat. Not the best one, but it serves its purpose.
But even though he acknowledges the need to get back home, he doesn't move just yet, except to breathe in and finally, properly wrap Joshua up into a hug. "Yeah, just...give me a minute." He needs this. They probably both do.
It's so reminiscent of their younger years and yet incredibly different at the same time. Clive remembers when they used to hug, Joshua's head really only came up to his chest, at the most. That isn't the case anymore. "You're as tall as me now," he whispers in amazement.
A sticker brother has absolutely been acquired and he is not letting go anytime soon, but not moving yet also works. He is warm, because he always dresses up a bit too warmly, but he has barely stopped shivering because of the fright earlier, so Clive's solidity and warmth help him, in turn.
Both of his own arms wrap around Clive in turn, tight, as tight as he can.
"All the time in the world."
The whisper makes him shiver and his eyes sting, and then blur, but he can't let go and properly cry, not yet. "Still your little brother. Ah... I missed you so."
His voice quivers and he buries his face against Clive's shoulder because the words don't even begin to describe any of it.
The hug hurts. Clive is sure he has bruises already forming from where he got thrown to the ground, but who cares about those? Who cares! Clive will happily take more as long as he can keep Joshua in his hold, or at least close by.
But it's so damn hard to keep it together the longer they embrace and when Joshua answers him, reminds him that he's still his little brother, Clive can't do it. The sudden reappearance of Joshua topped off by his draining energy and hurting body only sucks out the last dredges of whatever strength he had to keep going. He clings to Joshua with one hand while the other finds his brother's hair, fingertips threading through the bright strands and pressing against his scalp. He gasps in a sob and new tears track down his face.
"I lost you, Joshua." He lost everything that night. Everyone. Their father's death was devastating, of course, and he'll always grieve him, but the bond he had with Joshua ever since his brother was born was the most important thing in his life.
And then he kicked him out of the way of that speeding truck and that was the last time he ever saw him. He was in the hospital for a long time afterward, only to find out that their father really did die, but so did Joshua. And him. The sight of all three of their headstones next to each other has been burned into his mind forever.
Oh... crap. Nope, no way hold back the tears after that sob, and Joshua shakes with one of his own, even if it stays silent.
"When I woke up... I could not remember who I was. For years, I did not know. And then I did, and I have been missing you... every day. Remembering all, and having nothing."
There had been that boy, so loved and so treasured, and then his life was completely gone, obliterated in a night. He had not known, for a very long time, why he had been spared at all. The world very clearly had not needed him...
He did his best to make use of the life he had been granted (by his brother, who was gone, but also by so many who had made sure his body recovered, and his mind, and he had shelter and food and education), but it was so... empty.
"Until that day when I saw you. And I realized... if the world was wrong about me being dead, why had I not thought that it might be wrong about you, too? So I looked, and I looked. Then chance brought a friend who remembered us from back then as a neighbor, and he'd been an officer. And he helped me find the trail to come to you again."
Joshua can't not believe it, because he has dedicated a lot of his adult life to making this a reality. His fingers clenched in Clive's shirt.
"And they almost took you from me again." Quiet, flat. Perfectly, helplessly balanced between terror and fury. "I could not have stood aside and watched them."
There are definitely better places to have this sort of emotional breakdown than in public. Then again, they're at a hospital and if there is any place where it is somewhat normal to start crying, isn't this it? Not that Clive really cares either way. He has his brother back. That's all that matters.
He's curious as to who this friend is, but that can wait for later. What is more important is the shift in Joshua's tone. Clive pulls back enough to gently put his hands on his brother's face, both so he can see him and also to make sure Joshua looks at him, too. "They didn't. They won't." The last word comes out firmly. Clive may not have much to look forward to in his life, but with Joshua back, he at least has some reason to try.
But with the way Joshua says all that, like he really would do something drastic to protect Clive, makes him a little nervous. It's comforting to know the love they have for each other hasn't faded all these years, of course, but if Clive can help it, he won't let Joshua have blood on his hands, not even for his sake. Clive has already dirtied himself once, so he'll easily do it again. But not Joshua. He won't let Joshua.
Breathing out, he presses their foreheads together and just basks in his brother's presence for a few moments. They really can't stay here, though, and it's getting late. His flat isn't anything special, especially compared to the comfort in which they grew up, but he doesn't want to part from Joshua, and he's sure the feeling is mutual. "Come on. Let's get out of here."
So much has changed. Everything has changed, for both of them. Except this. Except knowing that his brother sees him, and understands, and loves him anyway, their brows leaning together reminding him of it. There is much they both need to learn about each other, but this immutable truth he knows. And the world is a little bit more right, thanks to it.
"Yes. Let us."
He grips Clive's shirt for a moment longer, and then finally pulls away, wiping his eyes with a sleeve but holding Clive's hand as he beelines for the taxis.
"My bike is near your apartment, but I think it's better to wait to give you a ride on that until later."
Clive allows himself to be led, suddenly feeling like a kid again. Joshua often dragged him by the hand when he was excited or in a hurry. One corner of Clive's mouth curls up, the other impeded by the bandage on his cheek.
"You have a bike?" He hadn't even considered that Joshua would drive anywhere, despite obviously being an adult now. The thought is so foreign to him after all these years of thinking Joshua was dead, but it shouldn't be a surprise now. The bike detail is, though.
They reach an available taxi and Clive opens the back door for Joshua, intending to slide in after him, and gives the driver his address. Getting back home sounds better by the second.
Joshua absolutely shifts further in to let Clive take a seat... and then promptly plasters himself against his brother, tipping his head to rest on Clive's shoulder, and shifting their arms to lock their elbows, not straining the bandages on Clive's hands further.
"Yeah. It's a bit of an older model, a Firebird Scrambler. Easy enough to not think too much about its maintenance."
Talking about ordinary things helps, right now. At least until they can get somewhere private and break down... again... properly.
The clinging is fine. It's pretty nice, actually. Clive grows more and more tired as his energy drains and Joshua is warm. On any other day he might let himself catch a few quick minutes of shut-eye, but he doesn't allow himself that just yet. When he's back home.
He does frown a little, though. "I didn't understand half of what you just said." A Scrambler? His brain feels scrambled. But if it helps Joshua feel even remotely normal, then Clive will happily stay confused.
Nap is absolutely a wonderful idea and Joshua will still cling for it because he's barely beyond shivering and only because he is too focused on Clive.
He looks up at his brother and grins.
"All the better for me to show you later. Eventually." He squints. "I guess we're not going to try even for food tonight."
The back set of the taxi is dark as they're driven along, but even without the help of the passing streetlights, Clive still makes out the brightness of Joshua's hair. And when he's greeted with a grin, even after all they've been through in the last couple of hours, Clive's chest aches with such affection.
He can't help it. He reaches over with his other hand, the one obviously not claimed by Joshua's clinging, and gently scratches the top of his head with his fingertips. There will be time later for a proper hair ruffle. "Eventually."
The mention of food, however, has Clive's stomach suddenly growling. He hadn't eaten anything at the bar - he never got the chance - and now the suggestion has woken up his body in a new way. He's starving. "I...might have something at home." Unlikely, considering payday hasn't hit yet this week. "Or we can order something. I really don't care what. Anything you want."
The finger scratch makes Joshua tuck his head between his shoulders just a little, but then blink, and ... giggle. Until the stomach growl and Joshua sucks in a sharp breath. So some things are worse than the exhaustion he can see on his brother's face. Fair enough.
"Right. I'll figure something out." Taking his phone out while still tucked in almost entirely against clive.
"So. Pizza?" Pizza can be universally ordered, and it is fast to arrive, easy to eat, and tends to make one feel full enough.
Clive rests his temple against Joshua's head for a few moments, just content to have his brother back and be around him in (hopefully) safety. But staying this way for the rest of the car ride would get pretty uncomfortable, so he just lays his head on the back of the seat and lets his eyes fall closed.
Joshua was always better at making decisions than he was, too, so if he wants to order pizza, then Clive isn't going to argue. "Pizza's perfect. Get it." But neither is he exactly helpful about it. "And get whatever you want on it. I'll eat basically anything right now." Just not...literally. So he hopes Joshua won't get anything truly crazy. Not that he expects his brother will, of course.
"Which means the simpler, the better." Joshua will just keep himself plastered even if it's not the most comfortable, but seeing Clive getting a bit of rest is good. Soothing.
He'll just finish the order to Clive's address, and put away his phone.
Clive nods. Simple isn't bad at all in this situation, or even in most. And he really is hungry enough to eat almost anything so he's not going to be picky.
Still, as the ride goes on and Joshua remains practically wrapped entirely around his arm, Clive realizes, again, that it's Joshua and he's here. He turns his head and opens his eyes again and just looks at his brother. Countless years have passed since he last saw Joshua and he's changed in ways Clive had known would happen had life gone on as it always should have. But then Joshua had died and Clive had just focused on getting through singular days and those details disappeared.
Except Joshua looks so much like himself that Clive is amazed he hadn't recognized him immediately in the bar. The hair, the easy slope of his nose, the way his eyes regard everything around him with curiosity, but also a hint of defiance. His brother. His little brother.
His throat tightens around another sob, but he chokes it down, not willing to break down in the back of a cab when they're so close to home. Squeezing his eyes shut, he instead buries his face in Joshua's hair and just breathes. And if those breaths turn a little shaky, he knows Joshua won't bring attention to it.
No, of course Joshua won't bring attention to it, his own tears keep coming and going, so he'll just keep on holding on as long as they are on the ride.
"There is... so much I want to say, and to ask... that I don't know where to start. And it can probably wait until the morning anyway. But if you have things you want to know now..."
"When we get home." If this were a simple matter of catching up with a friend after a few years and just getting to know what the other has been up to, it would be different. But both of them have been considered dead for literal years and that makes the catching up a lot more sensitive. Besides, it's not as if Clive had been expecting this development, so he doesn't exactly have the words even marginally formed in his head for what his heart so desperately wants to know.
Then his phone vibrates in his back pocket, the quick rhythm that denotes a text message. He shifts in his seat so he can pull it out with only a little difficulty, but frowns when the crack in the screen becomes apparent. When he was thrown on his back earlier, he must have landed in just the right - or wrong - way. Well, as long as it still works. He'll just have to read this text around the new crack.
It's late. Are you dead?
Clive breathes out, amused when anyone else would probably be offended. If Joshua looks at his screen, Clive is sure he'll be of the same mind. He quickly fires off a short Almost back home before shutting the screen off. "My landlady. I'll check in with her when we get there, but she's just a couple of doors down from me."
"When we get there. Over pizza, hopefully. For now, back to rest with you."
He just wanted it put out there, that he'll answer when Clive does come up with questions.
The brightness of the phone does draw Joshua's eyes, and he purses his lips, half in concern and half in dry amusement at the sight of the cracked screen. And then he is fully amused, but then again...
"I did meet her already, she is the one who directed me to where I can find you. She seems acerbic but actually concerned about you." He had to talk at some length with her before she was satisfied that he wasn't looking for 'Clint' with the intent to harm him.
Ah. Joshua met Charon already. Well, if Charon didn't try to literally throw him out on the sidewalk, then it probably went well enough. "She's...like that. Protective, but don't tell her I said so. She'd just deny it." When Clive first moved into the building, he hadn't been sure what to make of her. Outwardly, Charon is not kind, caring only about her tenants following her rules and getting rent in on time and leaving her alone. Clive had been, admittedly, intimidated at first. But he kept his head down and followed her rules and paid his rent on time and left her alone. Until one month he couldn't pay on time due to his hours at his job getting cut and all he could really do was go to Charon with his tail between his legs and promise - somehow - that he'd get the money to her as soon as he could.
And...she gave him that chance. Though it also came with a side job of his own, so to speak. "I help break up physical disputes for her when they get too close to home." It's not the greatest part of town where he lives, after all. "Or, rather, I hope things don't get that far. Usually, the sight of me standing silently makes people think twice." He looks down at his bandaged hands. "I'm sure she'll be thrilled about this development."
Clive pauses, then continues in a quieter voice. "She knows who I am." That he's Clive Rosfield. "I look after her back, she looks after mine."
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2023-09-10 06:53 am (UTC)And now he's here, bleeding on the sidewalk in front of a bar because his life has gone nowhere but downhill ever since then. If Joshua had seen him in uniform a few years back, then it must have been right before he was discharged. Right before his commanding officer died.
Because of him.
Just a few feet away is Tillmann's...friend? Baying for his blood. What a fucking poetic mess this is.
He pulls his hand away from his face and sees the back of it smeared with blood, as he expected. It probably won't stop quickly, not with alcohol in his system. Of all the times to get attacked, it had to be when he's not at his best. But Clive also gingerly prods the inside of his cheek with his tongue, almost afraid to find out if the glass cut all the way through. He doesn't taste any blood and he doesn't find a hole in his cheek, but neither does he press any harder in case the skin is barely hanging on. Thank God for what he has, though. He replaces his hand on his cheek before continuing his conversation with Joshua, shaky as it may be.
"We didn't instigate this, at least, so it shouldn't be a problem, but..." Clive trails off, giving his cheek a moment to rest because it still really hurts and he shouldn't stretch it too much. There's also more of the truth on the tip of his tongue, but he's unsure if he should let Joshua know right now and in this situation.
But it's Joshua and he deserves the truth, even if it might put Clive in a weaker light in his brother's eyes. "The authorities know me. They might suspect...things." Okay, so that's still vague, but he's not going to talk about how he killed a man when there are so many people crowded around them. At least the ambulance is Johnny-on-the-spot. Clive just wants to get away. "Don't worry about me. I can handle the pain." Joshua will worry, though. He knows he will.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-10 07:29 am (UTC)"I know what happened, brother. I talked with people in that bar. You did it to protect someone. I'm still here." Oh, he can guess what his brother is thinking. That, knowing, Joshua would turn away from him. But he knows.
The EMT being close, Joshua finally moves properly away to let them work.
"You'll be all right. Clint."
no subject
Date: 2023-09-10 04:38 pm (UTC)The EMTs quickly clean his cheek and put a temporary bandage on for the ambulance ride so they can focus more on Clive's hands. They help lift him up inside and Clive immediately looks for Joshua. There's a comfort in seeing him again, one he hasn't felt for years, but when his brother hauls himself into the ambulance, too, some part of the world finally seems to click back into place.
Clive wonders if this is how Joshua felt when they were younger, when he would look at his brother in moments of stress. Clive had always tried to bear the brunt of their mother's disdain, though, to be fair, it was usually aimed at him to begin with. He learned from a young age what it was like to not have a mother's love, but he wouldn't let Joshua grow up with any less. Their mother may have treated him better, but she didn't treat him well, so Clive made sure his brother felt another kind of love, some kind of protection.
He feels like Joshua's protecting him now, all this time later. Even if hearing the name Clint feels wrong coming from him. "Thank you," he murmurs. The EMTs may think he means them, and he certainly is grateful, but his gaze finds Joshua instead.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-10 05:18 pm (UTC)Now, he can do a little more. He wishes he could have taken away the pain and just whisked his brother to have time to themselves, but he is only human, a historian, at that, not a medic. So he will have to trust in others.
He hears the thanks, and sees the look at him, and his eyes smile at his brother. It seems that the alcohol fog - yes, he could smell that - is lifting and the reality that they are together again is sinking in. Meanwhile Joshua himself is feeling the effect of the adrenaline from the fright that those two men were going to actually kill his brother, and the color is draining from his face. His hand grips around the inhaler, in case he needs it...
The other, he brushes two fingers against his lips, and then gently caresses Clive's forehead with them, as close to kissing his brow soothingly as he can get away with, right now.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-11 05:12 am (UTC)What he very nearly can't take, however, is Joshua's transferred kiss, so achingly gentle and sincere. Clive shuts his eyes against the welling tears and wishes they were alone in this ambulance. More than anything he wants to gather his brother into his arms, his hands be damned, and just hold him.
But he has to wait before he can do any of that. At least it doesn't take long to get to the hospital, though it takes some time to be treated. His hands are looked at and a nurse painstakingly removes the glass shards before cleaning his wounds and bandaging them up. Then the bandage on his face is removed and the laceration is cleaned again. The cut hadn't gone too deeply, but liquid stitches are applied to keep Clive from tearing it open more, and then dressed.
With a prescription for some stronger painkillers, Clive gets his discharge papers and is ushered out of the emergency department and into the cooler air of the night.
"This is...not how I expected my night to end up."
no subject
Date: 2023-09-11 06:06 am (UTC)But he slowly sat up, then moved to the toilet seat, head between his knees to catch his breath a little, before finally daring to straighten up and go wash his hands and face, and sit in the waiting room.
In a little while, he took out his phone, sending to Dion,
I found him. Unfortunately, so did some friends of the reason he was discharged. We're at the ER, I am unhurt. I will write more in the morning.
He didn't know if Dion would worry... but he suspected it might be the case.
Now Clive is back out, and Joshua is going to wrap himself against his side like a sticker.
"Not even remotely, although I would say your night would have gone off-course anyway." One hand waves in the direction of the entrance. "There are taxis over there. Let me take you home?" Beat. "Your home. I'd love to take you to mine but you need rest more than the travel."
He will worry about feeding Clive once they get there. If either of them is up for food before the morning, anyway. Joshua isn't very sure he is, himself.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-11 07:05 am (UTC)But even though he acknowledges the need to get back home, he doesn't move just yet, except to breathe in and finally, properly wrap Joshua up into a hug. "Yeah, just...give me a minute." He needs this. They probably both do.
It's so reminiscent of their younger years and yet incredibly different at the same time. Clive remembers when they used to hug, Joshua's head really only came up to his chest, at the most. That isn't the case anymore. "You're as tall as me now," he whispers in amazement.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-11 07:45 am (UTC)Both of his own arms wrap around Clive in turn, tight, as tight as he can.
"All the time in the world."
The whisper makes him shiver and his eyes sting, and then blur, but he can't let go and properly cry, not yet. "Still your little brother. Ah... I missed you so."
His voice quivers and he buries his face against Clive's shoulder because the words don't even begin to describe any of it.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-11 08:34 am (UTC)But it's so damn hard to keep it together the longer they embrace and when Joshua answers him, reminds him that he's still his little brother, Clive can't do it. The sudden reappearance of Joshua topped off by his draining energy and hurting body only sucks out the last dredges of whatever strength he had to keep going. He clings to Joshua with one hand while the other finds his brother's hair, fingertips threading through the bright strands and pressing against his scalp. He gasps in a sob and new tears track down his face.
"I lost you, Joshua." He lost everything that night. Everyone. Their father's death was devastating, of course, and he'll always grieve him, but the bond he had with Joshua ever since his brother was born was the most important thing in his life.
And then he kicked him out of the way of that speeding truck and that was the last time he ever saw him. He was in the hospital for a long time afterward, only to find out that their father really did die, but so did Joshua. And him. The sight of all three of their headstones next to each other has been burned into his mind forever.
"I can't believe you're really here."
no subject
Date: 2023-09-11 08:54 am (UTC)"When I woke up... I could not remember who I was. For years, I did not know. And then I did, and I have been missing you... every day. Remembering all, and having nothing."
There had been that boy, so loved and so treasured, and then his life was completely gone, obliterated in a night. He had not known, for a very long time, why he had been spared at all. The world very clearly had not needed him...
He did his best to make use of the life he had been granted (by his brother, who was gone, but also by so many who had made sure his body recovered, and his mind, and he had shelter and food and education), but it was so... empty.
"Until that day when I saw you. And I realized... if the world was wrong about me being dead, why had I not thought that it might be wrong about you, too? So I looked, and I looked. Then chance brought a friend who remembered us from back then as a neighbor, and he'd been an officer. And he helped me find the trail to come to you again."
Joshua can't not believe it, because he has dedicated a lot of his adult life to making this a reality. His fingers clenched in Clive's shirt.
"And they almost took you from me again." Quiet, flat. Perfectly, helplessly balanced between terror and fury. "I could not have stood aside and watched them."
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Date: 2023-09-14 11:02 am (UTC)He's curious as to who this friend is, but that can wait for later. What is more important is the shift in Joshua's tone. Clive pulls back enough to gently put his hands on his brother's face, both so he can see him and also to make sure Joshua looks at him, too. "They didn't. They won't." The last word comes out firmly. Clive may not have much to look forward to in his life, but with Joshua back, he at least has some reason to try.
But with the way Joshua says all that, like he really would do something drastic to protect Clive, makes him a little nervous. It's comforting to know the love they have for each other hasn't faded all these years, of course, but if Clive can help it, he won't let Joshua have blood on his hands, not even for his sake. Clive has already dirtied himself once, so he'll easily do it again. But not Joshua. He won't let Joshua.
Breathing out, he presses their foreheads together and just basks in his brother's presence for a few moments. They really can't stay here, though, and it's getting late. His flat isn't anything special, especially compared to the comfort in which they grew up, but he doesn't want to part from Joshua, and he's sure the feeling is mutual. "Come on. Let's get out of here."
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Date: 2023-09-14 11:34 am (UTC)"Yes. Let us."
He grips Clive's shirt for a moment longer, and then finally pulls away, wiping his eyes with a sleeve but holding Clive's hand as he beelines for the taxis.
"My bike is near your apartment, but I think it's better to wait to give you a ride on that until later."
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Date: 2023-09-14 12:05 pm (UTC)"You have a bike?" He hadn't even considered that Joshua would drive anywhere, despite obviously being an adult now. The thought is so foreign to him after all these years of thinking Joshua was dead, but it shouldn't be a surprise now. The bike detail is, though.
They reach an available taxi and Clive opens the back door for Joshua, intending to slide in after him, and gives the driver his address. Getting back home sounds better by the second.
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Date: 2023-09-14 01:44 pm (UTC)"Yeah. It's a bit of an older model, a Firebird Scrambler. Easy enough to not think too much about its maintenance."
Talking about ordinary things helps, right now. At least until they can get somewhere private and break down... again... properly.
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Date: 2023-09-14 06:40 pm (UTC)He does frown a little, though. "I didn't understand half of what you just said." A Scrambler? His brain feels scrambled. But if it helps Joshua feel even remotely normal, then Clive will happily stay confused.
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Date: 2023-09-14 07:51 pm (UTC)He looks up at his brother and grins.
"All the better for me to show you later. Eventually." He squints. "I guess we're not going to try even for food tonight."
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Date: 2023-09-14 08:53 pm (UTC)He can't help it. He reaches over with his other hand, the one obviously not claimed by Joshua's clinging, and gently scratches the top of his head with his fingertips. There will be time later for a proper hair ruffle. "Eventually."
The mention of food, however, has Clive's stomach suddenly growling. He hadn't eaten anything at the bar - he never got the chance - and now the suggestion has woken up his body in a new way. He's starving. "I...might have something at home." Unlikely, considering payday hasn't hit yet this week. "Or we can order something. I really don't care what. Anything you want."
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Date: 2023-09-14 09:14 pm (UTC)"Right. I'll figure something out." Taking his phone out while still tucked in almost entirely against clive.
"So. Pizza?" Pizza can be universally ordered, and it is fast to arrive, easy to eat, and tends to make one feel full enough.
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Date: 2023-09-15 05:55 am (UTC)Joshua was always better at making decisions than he was, too, so if he wants to order pizza, then Clive isn't going to argue. "Pizza's perfect. Get it." But neither is he exactly helpful about it. "And get whatever you want on it. I'll eat basically anything right now." Just not...literally. So he hopes Joshua won't get anything truly crazy. Not that he expects his brother will, of course.
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Date: 2023-09-15 12:33 pm (UTC)He'll just finish the order to Clive's address, and put away his phone.
"It has been a long evening anyway."
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Date: 2023-09-15 10:51 pm (UTC)Still, as the ride goes on and Joshua remains practically wrapped entirely around his arm, Clive realizes, again, that it's Joshua and he's here. He turns his head and opens his eyes again and just looks at his brother. Countless years have passed since he last saw Joshua and he's changed in ways Clive had known would happen had life gone on as it always should have. But then Joshua had died and Clive had just focused on getting through singular days and those details disappeared.
Except Joshua looks so much like himself that Clive is amazed he hadn't recognized him immediately in the bar. The hair, the easy slope of his nose, the way his eyes regard everything around him with curiosity, but also a hint of defiance. His brother. His little brother.
His throat tightens around another sob, but he chokes it down, not willing to break down in the back of a cab when they're so close to home. Squeezing his eyes shut, he instead buries his face in Joshua's hair and just breathes. And if those breaths turn a little shaky, he knows Joshua won't bring attention to it.
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Date: 2023-09-16 05:09 pm (UTC)"There is... so much I want to say, and to ask... that I don't know where to start. And it can probably wait until the morning anyway. But if you have things you want to know now..."
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Date: 2023-09-17 12:30 pm (UTC)Then his phone vibrates in his back pocket, the quick rhythm that denotes a text message. He shifts in his seat so he can pull it out with only a little difficulty, but frowns when the crack in the screen becomes apparent. When he was thrown on his back earlier, he must have landed in just the right - or wrong - way. Well, as long as it still works. He'll just have to read this text around the new crack.
It's late. Are you dead?
Clive breathes out, amused when anyone else would probably be offended. If Joshua looks at his screen, Clive is sure he'll be of the same mind. He quickly fires off a short Almost back home before shutting the screen off. "My landlady. I'll check in with her when we get there, but she's just a couple of doors down from me."
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Date: 2023-09-17 02:03 pm (UTC)He just wanted it put out there, that he'll answer when Clive does come up with questions.
The brightness of the phone does draw Joshua's eyes, and he purses his lips, half in concern and half in dry amusement at the sight of the cracked screen. And then he is fully amused, but then again...
"I did meet her already, she is the one who directed me to where I can find you. She seems acerbic but actually concerned about you." He had to talk at some length with her before she was satisfied that he wasn't looking for 'Clint' with the intent to harm him.
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Date: 2023-09-17 10:14 pm (UTC)And...she gave him that chance. Though it also came with a side job of his own, so to speak. "I help break up physical disputes for her when they get too close to home." It's not the greatest part of town where he lives, after all. "Or, rather, I hope things don't get that far. Usually, the sight of me standing silently makes people think twice." He looks down at his bandaged hands. "I'm sure she'll be thrilled about this development."
Clive pauses, then continues in a quieter voice. "She knows who I am." That he's Clive Rosfield. "I look after her back, she looks after mine."
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From:cw: mild sexual assault mention
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From:going with clive wakes up to company in the living room, lmk if i should change
From:it's perfect bb
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From:You set yourself up for this one, Rose.
From:🤡
From:ilu
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