"Which means the simpler, the better." Joshua will just keep himself plastered even if it's not the most comfortable, but seeing Clive getting a bit of rest is good. Soothing.
He'll just finish the order to Clive's address, and put away his phone.
Clive nods. Simple isn't bad at all in this situation, or even in most. And he really is hungry enough to eat almost anything so he's not going to be picky.
Still, as the ride goes on and Joshua remains practically wrapped entirely around his arm, Clive realizes, again, that it's Joshua and he's here. He turns his head and opens his eyes again and just looks at his brother. Countless years have passed since he last saw Joshua and he's changed in ways Clive had known would happen had life gone on as it always should have. But then Joshua had died and Clive had just focused on getting through singular days and those details disappeared.
Except Joshua looks so much like himself that Clive is amazed he hadn't recognized him immediately in the bar. The hair, the easy slope of his nose, the way his eyes regard everything around him with curiosity, but also a hint of defiance. His brother. His little brother.
His throat tightens around another sob, but he chokes it down, not willing to break down in the back of a cab when they're so close to home. Squeezing his eyes shut, he instead buries his face in Joshua's hair and just breathes. And if those breaths turn a little shaky, he knows Joshua won't bring attention to it.
No, of course Joshua won't bring attention to it, his own tears keep coming and going, so he'll just keep on holding on as long as they are on the ride.
"There is... so much I want to say, and to ask... that I don't know where to start. And it can probably wait until the morning anyway. But if you have things you want to know now..."
"When we get home." If this were a simple matter of catching up with a friend after a few years and just getting to know what the other has been up to, it would be different. But both of them have been considered dead for literal years and that makes the catching up a lot more sensitive. Besides, it's not as if Clive had been expecting this development, so he doesn't exactly have the words even marginally formed in his head for what his heart so desperately wants to know.
Then his phone vibrates in his back pocket, the quick rhythm that denotes a text message. He shifts in his seat so he can pull it out with only a little difficulty, but frowns when the crack in the screen becomes apparent. When he was thrown on his back earlier, he must have landed in just the right - or wrong - way. Well, as long as it still works. He'll just have to read this text around the new crack.
It's late. Are you dead?
Clive breathes out, amused when anyone else would probably be offended. If Joshua looks at his screen, Clive is sure he'll be of the same mind. He quickly fires off a short Almost back home before shutting the screen off. "My landlady. I'll check in with her when we get there, but she's just a couple of doors down from me."
"When we get there. Over pizza, hopefully. For now, back to rest with you."
He just wanted it put out there, that he'll answer when Clive does come up with questions.
The brightness of the phone does draw Joshua's eyes, and he purses his lips, half in concern and half in dry amusement at the sight of the cracked screen. And then he is fully amused, but then again...
"I did meet her already, she is the one who directed me to where I can find you. She seems acerbic but actually concerned about you." He had to talk at some length with her before she was satisfied that he wasn't looking for 'Clint' with the intent to harm him.
Ah. Joshua met Charon already. Well, if Charon didn't try to literally throw him out on the sidewalk, then it probably went well enough. "She's...like that. Protective, but don't tell her I said so. She'd just deny it." When Clive first moved into the building, he hadn't been sure what to make of her. Outwardly, Charon is not kind, caring only about her tenants following her rules and getting rent in on time and leaving her alone. Clive had been, admittedly, intimidated at first. But he kept his head down and followed her rules and paid his rent on time and left her alone. Until one month he couldn't pay on time due to his hours at his job getting cut and all he could really do was go to Charon with his tail between his legs and promise - somehow - that he'd get the money to her as soon as he could.
And...she gave him that chance. Though it also came with a side job of his own, so to speak. "I help break up physical disputes for her when they get too close to home." It's not the greatest part of town where he lives, after all. "Or, rather, I hope things don't get that far. Usually, the sight of me standing silently makes people think twice." He looks down at his bandaged hands. "I'm sure she'll be thrilled about this development."
Clive pauses, then continues in a quieter voice. "She knows who I am." That he's Clive Rosfield. "I look after her back, she looks after mine."
Joshua is a little startled, but also not necessarily surprised. He had not hinted at knowing 'Clint's' identity, but somehow the questioning ... and then sending him after Clive make a lot of sense with the context of Charon knowing.
What he isn't? Is tensing up. In fact, there is a small smile in his quiet response.
"That is a good thing, that she knows. Any way in which you were less alone, I am glad for."
It is the truth. Having to hide who it is, every day of these long years, or at least until he met Jill, and most days beyond that... It must have been indescribably lonely.
"She read you your rights, didn't she." That's Charon, but it's good to know that she continues to be healthily suspicious of strangers snooping around her complex. "Sorry. I'll clear things up with her."
Despite Charon's demeanor, though, Clive is grateful to have her in the know. Even though she's not related by blood or was ever associated with the Rosfields, she has become something of family. If nothing else, he can lay down some of his burdens around her and not worry so much.
Before long, the taxi driver pulls over in front of the apartment complex and Clive reaches for his wallet.
Joshua can't quite help the startled chuckle. "It wasn't as bad as that. But she made sure that she wasn't giving your information to someone who was a threat to you. I could very much appreciate that."
As someone who might be a little overprotective of Clive himself. At least in his mind, since he hasn't chance to do anything about it until tonight.
But as Clive does reach for his wallet, Joshua finally sits up and shakes his head, taking out his own.
"Let me." Not... exactly a question. But his smile is sweet, just so happy to be here, even if his eyelashes are probably still clumped with tears.
Clive wants to protest. Joshua has already paid for their dinner - and, sure, pizza isn't going to break the bank - so it feels selfish to let his brother cover this fare, too.
And he's the older one here. He should be providing for Joshua, not the other way around. He may not have been an active older brother for far too many years, but that instinct is still there. All the same, Clive sighs and relents. "Next time, then."
When he gets out of the car, he sees Charon standing outside the entrance, smoking a cigarette. She doesn't react to his presence until he gets closer and the bandages on his face and hands become more visible.
"Now when I asked if you were dead, I weren't bein' serious. Did you have a date with the Grim Reaper or somethin'?"
"Or something." Clive looks back, finding Joshua and still getting a little jolt of surprise every time he sees him. "Some might say I had a guardian angel watching my back." He turns back to Charon, lowering his voice, though Joshua will be able to hear should he come close enough. "He's my younger brother, Joshua. He's always welcome, same as Jill."
Charon takes another pull on her cigarette as she eyes Joshua up for a moment, but makes sure to exhale away from both of them. "All right. All right. Get on inside, then, before you fall over and bust the other side of your face. You look terrible enough already."
"You're too kind, Charon." But Clive gives her a crooked smile before letting himself and Joshua inside and unlocking his door.
The flat is small, just one bedroom and one bathroom, and pretty sparse. Not in a modern style where everything is clean and hidden away, but simply because Clive doesn't have a lot. But there is a couch and a coffee table with a laptop set upon it and a small dining room table with some bills set aside to be paid. "It's not much, but make yourself comfortable."
Next time when Clive is not in pain and, well, shock. When Joshua can be certain it will not leave him wanting for a good meal.
Though his thoughts are distracted by watching the banter between Clive and his landlady, trying not to let his lips curve up too much.
"Ma'am. I'm glad to meet you properly. And many thanks for sending me in the right direction earlier."
"Well. 'least he's got his manners."
Joshua grins, then follows his brother too see his space properly for the first time. The only remark he thinks of is that he wishes his brother's place had a bit of more, only to let Clive be comfortable at home.
"Thanks. Sit down and relax yourself. You were doing a bit of bleeding and all."
Clive has opened the refrigerator and pulled out two bottles of water, which he sets down on the table. Then he looks at Joshua and snorts. "A bit. Right." He taps the lid of one of the bottles. "I don't have anything else right now. Sorry. Unless you want coffee...?" Though there are two details to sort out with that. It's too late for any sensible person to drink coffee, though Clive has been known to do it. And does Joshua even like coffee? He can't imagine it, but it's also been far too long since he last saw Joshua. He's not a kid anymore. His tastes have undoubtedly evolved.
He still hasn't sat down, electing to instead gather up his bills and rehome them on the kitchen counter, suddenly a little self-conscious, even though his apartment is hardly a mess. But he rarely has company over, except for Jill from time to time, and she already knows his life is kind of a mess. This is Joshua's first time here, though, and he wants to appear as if he's mostly in control, as well as just be a decent host. They weren't raised in a barn, after all. Quite the opposite. "We passed the bathroom on the way in, right here." He points across from where he stands in the kitchen. "And the living room is...well, you can see it."
Clive isn't wrong. Joshua is not the greatest fan of coffee, though he'll drink it in a pinch. However, "the water is great! Thanks." He'll grab the bottle and open it, then sip - slowly, it's cold - but then sip again. He's not realized how thirsty he has grown. Then again...
Right.
"Tempting as it may be to stay up, I think we can both use the sleep, rather than the coffee."
His eyes only really leave Clive when he starts pointing out the layout of the apartment, and he looks around, then nods.
"It is very sensible." There is nothing but earnestness in his comment, but also, he sits up a little, his own tiredness pushed aside by Clive rallying up.
"You said, like Jill. You kept in touch with her?"
Content with seeing Joshua settle in enough, Clive nods. "Right. I'll make some in the morning, then." Which is what he usually does, if only to feel marginally human.
The lull in conversation makes him pay attention to the throbbibg in his face, though. The painkillers given at the hospital are starting to wear off and with all the moving around and talking he's doing, it's only making things worse. And then he won't be able to pick up his new prescription until the morning. He goes to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and dumps out a few ibuprofen into his hand, bringing them back to the table. It takes a little longer to open his bottle of water with screwed up hands, but he manages it and takes the medicine.
At the mention of Jill, however, Clive stops moving and finally takes a seat at the table. "Jill. Yeah. I...ran into her a few years back." That's the nicest and most neutral way to put it. "We talk and meet up from time to time."
Joshua frowns a little watching him struggle with the bottle cap but he doesn't reach to help unless asked. The does reach to grip his brother's shoulder when Clive settles down.
"I'm glad. It's better than either of you being entirely alone." Which they have all been for years. His breath catches.
"It's been so long... I - I'm sorry I couldn't find you sooner. I'm sorry, brother."
Maybe the pizza will come before they are both crying again.
Watching Joshua struggle again causes Clive to scoot a little closer. "Hey." He reaches out and pulls his brother against his chest. "Don't apologize." It isn't as if he's upset that Joshua, whom he didn't even know was alive until a few hours ago, didn't hunt him down immediately.
Once again, Clive scratches his fingertips against the top of Joshua's head. "I haven't exactly wanted to be found." Not these last few years, anyway. After the bar incident and his discharge, Clive has just been content to exist. As long as no one bothers him or asks questions about that whole stain on his record and his life, then he's okay. "All that matters is that we're here now." He leans over and presses his face to Joshua's hair again, like he had in the cab.
But then a buzzer sounds and he pulls away. "That's probably the food."
But it made Clive think he was dead longer. Made him hurt over it longer. And Joshua has no doubt that Clive was in pain. Like still is, because some things take time to settle down.
He does smile, however, at the touches, at the reassurance, his eyes on his brother so soft.
"We are here."
-- the buzzer startles him, and he blinks, sitting up carefully not to headbutt Clive.
Clive looks down at his clothes and...oh. Right. A bloody shirt probably would frighten the delivery driver, and with good reason. He nods, standing up to do as his brother suggests. "Yeah. Good call." He reaches out to gently squeeze Joshua's shoulder as he moves to his bedroom.
He carefully tugs the shirt over his head and, after a moment of deliberation, tosses it in the trash. Blood is a bitch to get out of fabric and Clive knows he doesn't have the patience or self-discipline to properly work at it. As he moves to his dresser to find another shirt, he passes the mirror he has leaning up against a wall and turns to get a glimpse of his back. Redness blooms along his shoulder blades and a few splotches dot the rest of his back; when the bruising really gets going, his back is going to look like a sickly canvas. He sighs. Nothing to be done about it.
But he grabs another shirt and pulls it on, then decides to go ahead and switch out his jeans for sweatpants while he's here, and goes back out to meet Joshua.
Joshua gives a shaky smile in the direction of Clive's retreating back before pulling himself together and going to figure out the taking in the delivery.
He's done by the time his brother returns, and just setting the pizza on the table.
"Napkins?" Or paper towels. The plates are optional, but he's pretty sure they will need those.
Seeing Joshua in his apartment still takes Clive by surprise. His baby brother who isn't a kid anymore, just existing in his space again. Clive stops outside his bedroom door and leans against the wall to watch him for a moment, amazed he's here.
He's snapped out of it when Joshua asks about the napkins, though. "On top of the fridge." It's a mismatched stack of what he's collected over time. Leftover napkins from takeout, mostly, bit there are a few old Christmas-themed napkins in the mix, too. Next to the napkins pile is a stack of paper plates and he heads over to get a couple down for them.
His hands, while definitely not unscathed from this whole experience, are the least of Clive's problems. They hurt, but not as badly as his face, and not to a degree that he can't function because of it. Getting paper plates isn't going to tip him over the edge.
That said, he relinquishes them to Joshua without a fight. Right now he's pretty sure he'd do anything his brother asked.
Instead of potentially getting himself in trouble, Clive sits down again and waits for Joshua to take care of him, as backwards as that's always going to feel. But with nothing to do, nothing to distract his thoughts, he thinks about how Joshua knew he was alive. For a few years. Clive lowers his head. "I'm sorry." He swallows and feels heavy. "If I had known you were looking for me..."
Joshua is almost ready to take his seat and tell Clive to dig in, when the apology comes, and, his hands free from plates and napkins, he just turns to hug his brother again, kissing the top of his head.
"How could you have known? Me were all buried and mourned. There was even an obituary for Jill. Mother was very thorough." Joshua's voice goes low, very toneless, with that last sentence.
"I could not even remember my own name for years, after. You couldn't have known to look. It's all right."
A long, long breath in, taking in Clive's warmth, the scent of his hair, the texture of it against his own face.
"I might have had to spend years more looking - I would have, make no mistake - if Dion hadn't lent a hand."
There is no emphasis on the name, he's half forgotten he didn't mention it before.
It's not all right. Nothing about what happened is all right and the fact that Clive was allowed to go about his life for all these years and not even have a hint that Joshua or Jill were still alive is going to eat at him forever.
Losing his father had been horrible, if somewhat understandable. Parents usually pass before their children. There had been so much blood and even though Clive didn't register most of it properly at the time, he had already been dead. But Joshua...
Clive reaches up and wraps his arms tightly around his brother. It's probably uncomfortable, maybe even a little painful, but he has to hold him.
He had shoved Joshua out of the way when he saw that truck hurtling toward them. Because that's what older brothers do. They protect. Their father couldn't do it anymore so Clive had to. He had to. The fact he took the hit of the truck is also how it should have been. He was older, bigger, stronger. Joshua never would have survived it. But Clive did.
...Only to wake up in a hospital, alone, told his family was dead except for his mother - and the fact she abandoned him there is almost a blessing - and with no choice but to start over. So he did. He had to. Physical therapy, emotional therapy, foster families, a name change, all of it he endured.
If only he had known.
"I...I feel like I failed you." His voice gives out on the last word and Clive screws his eyes shut while he grips Joshua's shirt tightly. He breathes in deeply and tries again. "I still should have been there."
Clive gives himself a few moments to get his emotions under control before he pulls away a little. "Dion? Dion Lesage?"
Being held this tight. It might border on painful, but it makes something in Joshua's very soul feel right and warm and like he's home. Like he is real, not a ghost in his own life, not someone who can float away and nobody will notice. It makes his breath hitch on the verge on sobbing once again and he shifts to back just as tight.
"You didn't fail me, Clive. Ever. If I stand here today, it is first of all because of what you did."
Oh, how he has wished his brother had been there, so much time over the years, missing him a physical pain, a gaping wall of loss, once he remembered. But it was never Clive's fault. Never.
"And you are here now. You lived, brother. Through all these years, you kept going. If anyone can understand how hard that is..." His arms tighten yet a little more. "I'm here. I won't disappear on you again." No one can break them apart again. No one.
He breathes out, softly.
"Yes. Dion Lesage. He started post-graduate study and moved in the apartment next to mine, so I was just saying hi to my new neighbor before either of us could get much of a look at each other. He recognized me first."
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2023-09-15 12:33 pm (UTC)He'll just finish the order to Clive's address, and put away his phone.
"It has been a long evening anyway."
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Date: 2023-09-15 10:51 pm (UTC)Still, as the ride goes on and Joshua remains practically wrapped entirely around his arm, Clive realizes, again, that it's Joshua and he's here. He turns his head and opens his eyes again and just looks at his brother. Countless years have passed since he last saw Joshua and he's changed in ways Clive had known would happen had life gone on as it always should have. But then Joshua had died and Clive had just focused on getting through singular days and those details disappeared.
Except Joshua looks so much like himself that Clive is amazed he hadn't recognized him immediately in the bar. The hair, the easy slope of his nose, the way his eyes regard everything around him with curiosity, but also a hint of defiance. His brother. His little brother.
His throat tightens around another sob, but he chokes it down, not willing to break down in the back of a cab when they're so close to home. Squeezing his eyes shut, he instead buries his face in Joshua's hair and just breathes. And if those breaths turn a little shaky, he knows Joshua won't bring attention to it.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-16 05:09 pm (UTC)"There is... so much I want to say, and to ask... that I don't know where to start. And it can probably wait until the morning anyway. But if you have things you want to know now..."
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Date: 2023-09-17 12:30 pm (UTC)Then his phone vibrates in his back pocket, the quick rhythm that denotes a text message. He shifts in his seat so he can pull it out with only a little difficulty, but frowns when the crack in the screen becomes apparent. When he was thrown on his back earlier, he must have landed in just the right - or wrong - way. Well, as long as it still works. He'll just have to read this text around the new crack.
It's late. Are you dead?
Clive breathes out, amused when anyone else would probably be offended. If Joshua looks at his screen, Clive is sure he'll be of the same mind. He quickly fires off a short Almost back home before shutting the screen off. "My landlady. I'll check in with her when we get there, but she's just a couple of doors down from me."
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Date: 2023-09-17 02:03 pm (UTC)He just wanted it put out there, that he'll answer when Clive does come up with questions.
The brightness of the phone does draw Joshua's eyes, and he purses his lips, half in concern and half in dry amusement at the sight of the cracked screen. And then he is fully amused, but then again...
"I did meet her already, she is the one who directed me to where I can find you. She seems acerbic but actually concerned about you." He had to talk at some length with her before she was satisfied that he wasn't looking for 'Clint' with the intent to harm him.
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Date: 2023-09-17 10:14 pm (UTC)And...she gave him that chance. Though it also came with a side job of his own, so to speak. "I help break up physical disputes for her when they get too close to home." It's not the greatest part of town where he lives, after all. "Or, rather, I hope things don't get that far. Usually, the sight of me standing silently makes people think twice." He looks down at his bandaged hands. "I'm sure she'll be thrilled about this development."
Clive pauses, then continues in a quieter voice. "She knows who I am." That he's Clive Rosfield. "I look after her back, she looks after mine."
no subject
Date: 2023-09-17 10:42 pm (UTC)Joshua is a little startled, but also not necessarily surprised. He had not hinted at knowing 'Clint's' identity, but somehow the questioning ... and then sending him after Clive make a lot of sense with the context of Charon knowing.
What he isn't? Is tensing up. In fact, there is a small smile in his quiet response.
"That is a good thing, that she knows. Any way in which you were less alone, I am glad for."
It is the truth. Having to hide who it is, every day of these long years, or at least until he met Jill, and most days beyond that... It must have been indescribably lonely.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-18 01:11 am (UTC)Despite Charon's demeanor, though, Clive is grateful to have her in the know. Even though she's not related by blood or was ever associated with the Rosfields, she has become something of family. If nothing else, he can lay down some of his burdens around her and not worry so much.
Before long, the taxi driver pulls over in front of the apartment complex and Clive reaches for his wallet.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-18 06:19 am (UTC)As someone who might be a little overprotective of Clive himself. At least in his mind, since he hasn't chance to do anything about it until tonight.
But as Clive does reach for his wallet, Joshua finally sits up and shakes his head, taking out his own.
"Let me." Not... exactly a question. But his smile is sweet, just so happy to be here, even if his eyelashes are probably still clumped with tears.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-18 09:19 pm (UTC)And he's the older one here. He should be providing for Joshua, not the other way around. He may not have been an active older brother for far too many years, but that instinct is still there. All the same, Clive sighs and relents. "Next time, then."
When he gets out of the car, he sees Charon standing outside the entrance, smoking a cigarette. She doesn't react to his presence until he gets closer and the bandages on his face and hands become more visible.
"Now when I asked if you were dead, I weren't bein' serious. Did you have a date with the Grim Reaper or somethin'?"
"Or something." Clive looks back, finding Joshua and still getting a little jolt of surprise every time he sees him. "Some might say I had a guardian angel watching my back." He turns back to Charon, lowering his voice, though Joshua will be able to hear should he come close enough. "He's my younger brother, Joshua. He's always welcome, same as Jill."
Charon takes another pull on her cigarette as she eyes Joshua up for a moment, but makes sure to exhale away from both of them. "All right. All right. Get on inside, then, before you fall over and bust the other side of your face. You look terrible enough already."
"You're too kind, Charon." But Clive gives her a crooked smile before letting himself and Joshua inside and unlocking his door.
The flat is small, just one bedroom and one bathroom, and pretty sparse. Not in a modern style where everything is clean and hidden away, but simply because Clive doesn't have a lot. But there is a couch and a coffee table with a laptop set upon it and a small dining room table with some bills set aside to be paid. "It's not much, but make yourself comfortable."
no subject
Date: 2023-09-19 10:54 pm (UTC)Next time when Clive is not in pain and, well, shock. When Joshua can be certain it will not leave him wanting for a good meal.
Though his thoughts are distracted by watching the banter between Clive and his landlady, trying not to let his lips curve up too much.
"Ma'am. I'm glad to meet you properly. And many thanks for sending me in the right direction earlier."
"Well. 'least he's got his manners."
Joshua grins, then follows his brother too see his space properly for the first time. The only remark he thinks of is that he wishes his brother's place had a bit of more, only to let Clive be comfortable at home.
"Thanks. Sit down and relax yourself. You were doing a bit of bleeding and all."
no subject
Date: 2023-09-20 06:07 am (UTC)He still hasn't sat down, electing to instead gather up his bills and rehome them on the kitchen counter, suddenly a little self-conscious, even though his apartment is hardly a mess. But he rarely has company over, except for Jill from time to time, and she already knows his life is kind of a mess. This is Joshua's first time here, though, and he wants to appear as if he's mostly in control, as well as just be a decent host. They weren't raised in a barn, after all. Quite the opposite. "We passed the bathroom on the way in, right here." He points across from where he stands in the kitchen. "And the living room is...well, you can see it."
no subject
Date: 2023-09-20 01:45 pm (UTC)Right.
"Tempting as it may be to stay up, I think we can both use the sleep, rather than the coffee."
His eyes only really leave Clive when he starts pointing out the layout of the apartment, and he looks around, then nods.
"It is very sensible." There is nothing but earnestness in his comment, but also, he sits up a little, his own tiredness pushed aside by Clive rallying up.
"You said, like Jill. You kept in touch with her?"
After the mess at a different bar.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-20 09:29 pm (UTC)The lull in conversation makes him pay attention to the throbbibg in his face, though. The painkillers given at the hospital are starting to wear off and with all the moving around and talking he's doing, it's only making things worse. And then he won't be able to pick up his new prescription until the morning. He goes to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and dumps out a few ibuprofen into his hand, bringing them back to the table. It takes a little longer to open his bottle of water with screwed up hands, but he manages it and takes the medicine.
At the mention of Jill, however, Clive stops moving and finally takes a seat at the table. "Jill. Yeah. I...ran into her a few years back." That's the nicest and most neutral way to put it. "We talk and meet up from time to time."
no subject
Date: 2023-09-21 06:24 am (UTC)"I'm glad. It's better than either of you being entirely alone." Which they have all been for years. His breath catches.
"It's been so long... I - I'm sorry I couldn't find you sooner. I'm sorry, brother."
Maybe the pizza will come before they are both crying again.
Maybe.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-21 08:15 am (UTC)Once again, Clive scratches his fingertips against the top of Joshua's head. "I haven't exactly wanted to be found." Not these last few years, anyway. After the bar incident and his discharge, Clive has just been content to exist. As long as no one bothers him or asks questions about that whole stain on his record and his life, then he's okay. "All that matters is that we're here now." He leans over and presses his face to Joshua's hair again, like he had in the cab.
But then a buzzer sounds and he pulls away. "That's probably the food."
no subject
Date: 2023-09-21 06:06 pm (UTC)He does smile, however, at the touches, at the reassurance, his eyes on his brother so soft.
"We are here."
-- the buzzer startles him, and he blinks, sitting up carefully not to headbutt Clive.
"I... can go take that, and you go... change?"
no subject
Date: 2023-09-24 06:47 am (UTC)Clive looks down at his clothes and...oh. Right. A bloody shirt probably would frighten the delivery driver, and with good reason. He nods, standing up to do as his brother suggests. "Yeah. Good call." He reaches out to gently squeeze Joshua's shoulder as he moves to his bedroom.
He carefully tugs the shirt over his head and, after a moment of deliberation, tosses it in the trash. Blood is a bitch to get out of fabric and Clive knows he doesn't have the patience or self-discipline to properly work at it. As he moves to his dresser to find another shirt, he passes the mirror he has leaning up against a wall and turns to get a glimpse of his back. Redness blooms along his shoulder blades and a few splotches dot the rest of his back; when the bruising really gets going, his back is going to look like a sickly canvas. He sighs. Nothing to be done about it.
But he grabs another shirt and pulls it on, then decides to go ahead and switch out his jeans for sweatpants while he's here, and goes back out to meet Joshua.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-24 07:31 am (UTC)He's done by the time his brother returns, and just setting the pizza on the table.
"Napkins?" Or paper towels. The plates are optional, but he's pretty sure they will need those.
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Date: 2023-09-25 07:04 pm (UTC)He's snapped out of it when Joshua asks about the napkins, though. "On top of the fridge." It's a mismatched stack of what he's collected over time. Leftover napkins from takeout, mostly, bit there are a few old Christmas-themed napkins in the mix, too. Next to the napkins pile is a stack of paper plates and he heads over to get a couple down for them.
"Thank you, Joshua. For doing this."
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Date: 2023-09-25 07:15 pm (UTC)"Of course." Quietly, and just bumps his forehead against Clive's shoulder. "I couldn't not. Not once I knew you were out there."
He holds out his hands for the paper plates.
"Rest your hands as much as you can. There'll be plenty of time to get them working properly.
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Date: 2023-09-25 11:36 pm (UTC)That said, he relinquishes them to Joshua without a fight. Right now he's pretty sure he'd do anything his brother asked.
Instead of potentially getting himself in trouble, Clive sits down again and waits for Joshua to take care of him, as backwards as that's always going to feel. But with nothing to do, nothing to distract his thoughts, he thinks about how Joshua knew he was alive. For a few years. Clive lowers his head. "I'm sorry." He swallows and feels heavy. "If I had known you were looking for me..."
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Date: 2023-09-25 11:53 pm (UTC)"How could you have known? Me were all buried and mourned. There was even an obituary for Jill. Mother was very thorough." Joshua's voice goes low, very toneless, with that last sentence.
"I could not even remember my own name for years, after. You couldn't have known to look. It's all right."
A long, long breath in, taking in Clive's warmth, the scent of his hair, the texture of it against his own face.
"I might have had to spend years more looking - I would have, make no mistake - if Dion hadn't lent a hand."
There is no emphasis on the name, he's half forgotten he didn't mention it before.
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Date: 2023-09-26 09:26 pm (UTC)Losing his father had been horrible, if somewhat understandable. Parents usually pass before their children. There had been so much blood and even though Clive didn't register most of it properly at the time, he had already been dead. But Joshua...
Clive reaches up and wraps his arms tightly around his brother. It's probably uncomfortable, maybe even a little painful, but he has to hold him.
He had shoved Joshua out of the way when he saw that truck hurtling toward them. Because that's what older brothers do. They protect. Their father couldn't do it anymore so Clive had to. He had to. The fact he took the hit of the truck is also how it should have been. He was older, bigger, stronger. Joshua never would have survived it. But Clive did.
...Only to wake up in a hospital, alone, told his family was dead except for his mother - and the fact she abandoned him there is almost a blessing - and with no choice but to start over. So he did. He had to. Physical therapy, emotional therapy, foster families, a name change, all of it he endured.
If only he had known.
"I...I feel like I failed you." His voice gives out on the last word and Clive screws his eyes shut while he grips Joshua's shirt tightly. He breathes in deeply and tries again. "I still should have been there."
Clive gives himself a few moments to get his emotions under control before he pulls away a little. "Dion? Dion Lesage?"
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Date: 2023-09-27 05:29 am (UTC)"You didn't fail me, Clive. Ever. If I stand here today, it is first of all because of what you did."
Oh, how he has wished his brother had been there, so much time over the years, missing him a physical pain, a gaping wall of loss, once he remembered. But it was never Clive's fault. Never.
"And you are here now. You lived, brother. Through all these years, you kept going. If anyone can understand how hard that is..." His arms tighten yet a little more. "I'm here. I won't disappear on you again." No one can break them apart again. No one.
He breathes out, softly.
"Yes. Dion Lesage. He started post-graduate study and moved in the apartment next to mine, so I was just saying hi to my new neighbor before either of us could get much of a look at each other. He recognized me first."
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From:cw: mild sexual assault mention
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From:going with clive wakes up to company in the living room, lmk if i should change
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