[Not too long later, he comes back to the house, but not without some trepidation. While there hadn't been anything in Joshua's message to betray any sort of pain, their last major talk hadn't been good at all. But Clive breathes in, then breathes out, and walks inside.]
[At the sound of his name Joshua's quick to pop his head out of the kitchen, only to leave it in full to greet his brother. He's cheery and all smiles, spirits higher than usual. It seems that Clive's precious little brother is in quite a good mood and eager to share whatever it is with him.]
That was quick. You didn't race back here, did you?
[There's a devious look to Joshua's expression as he throws a grin Clive's way before holding out a hand. In a moment it fills with flame, hovering atop his palm. He extinguishes it then, playful in doing so, a singular Phoenix Down left in the process. It's held between his fingers as he waves it teasingly toward his brother.]
[Joshua's hand gets Clive's attention, though it takes a moment for him to realize why seeing conjured flames should be something special when it's a part of Joshua that has always been there. But, of course, when his own Eikon remains dormant, silent, seeing the Phoenix reemerge within Joshua makes more sense.
His eyes widen and a new warmth blooms within his chest, a warmth that has nothing to do with Ifrit.]
Isn't it? Now I've my flames returned to me and the Phoenix's healing blessing too.
[He finally feels as if he can be of use to others, rather than just a liability. Healing had been useful, sure, but it didn't help when he needed to protect himself. He steps closer then, reaching up to tuck the feather behind Clive's ear.]
There. For you. Until your own blessing returns to you as well.
[Of course, he's glad that Joshua is here with him, Phoenix aside, but to see his brother regain some happiness is what eases Clive's heart. Ever since they were young Joshua struggled with feeling useless, though Clive would never have said anything of the sort. So for some of his spark to rekindle and for Clive to witness it...he's happy for Joshua.
When Joshua gives that Phoenix feather to him so freely, so easily, Clive finds himself at a loss for words. He takes the feather and cradles it in his hands like it's the most precious thing in the world. And, in a sense, it is. This manifestation of his brother, the only reminder he had that Joshua was alive for five years while Joshua had made his away around Valisthea, just out of sight and just out of reach. Now, this gift from his brother knowing that Joshua won't survive the entire ordeal with Ultima, rests all the more heavily in his hands, despite being just a single feather.
Clive carefully brings the feather to his chest, holding it close to his heart.]
...Thank you.
[His voice comes out thicker than he would like, but it's too late now.]
And...I'm sorry. Once again, I feel as if everyone is waiting for me. But then Ifrit never was one to follow the rules, was he?
[Oh...his sweet, kind, big brother. Clive always had such a big heart. Seeing him cradle his feather so delicately to his chest has Joshua's heart swell and tighten behind his ribs all the same. He may not be embracing him right now, but the warmth he suddenly feels at the sight is no different.]
Sorry? You needn't apologize, Clive.
[He reaches out with a hand to pat Clive's shoulder, in a bid to reassure him. While Joshua had his own self-confidence and image issues, he's not blind to the fact his brother suffers in a similar fashion.]
This isn't a race. You are incredibly capable as you are.
It seems we shall have our work cut out for us then, now that he is not a child so easily corralled.
But think nothing of it; his illness is partially my doing. I had brought him to the shore yesterday and the water ran rather colder than he expected. Mayhap I should have cautioned him further, but there is little for it now.
If he put his mind to enjoying himself, I imagine there was very little you could have done to dissuade him. I would say he might learn from this, but I know better. All we can do now is keep the worst at bay.
But I shall leave him in your care for the time being then. Pray tell if there is aught else I should keep an eye out for while I am at market. I should return within an hour or two at most to aid you.
[Meanwhile, Clive has foregone his usual armor for his pants and a simple shirt and jacket. If he suddenly feels underdressed compared to Jill, he won't bring it up, at least not at the moment.]
Mm. We often don't get the opportunity for this, do we?
[But, now they can rectify that. Clive bows his head toward her, then goes to the door to hold it open for her, whenever she's ready.]
[It's one of the most natural things in the world to take Jill's hand. Clive could come up with a plethora of excuses as to why he wouldn't over the past few years, but they all seem hollow now that their relationship has properly deepened. He gently threads their fingers together as he joins her.]
I'd like that, too.
[Even if he thinks about their actual situation back in Valisthea, how it seems that they'll be separated no matter how much they'd like not to be, it makes his chest hurt. But if that is how things will turn out, then shouldn't that urge him to enjoy these stolen moments even more?]
Just the two of us without the weight of the world on our shoulders. For a time, anyway.
[ She feels a small heat rise to her cheeks. She feels happy that they've gotten to this point. That they could just pretend for a little while that they were normal people. ]
Isn't that what we want? Just for a moment or two.
[ Jill knows that it is not the best idea to pretend that what is coming in their world won't come. It doesn't do them any favors.
But for brief moments Jill wants to enjoy their relationship as they intended. ]
There was a beach somewhere nearby, Joshua and I collected pearls at it some time ago. Would you like to go there?
[What they want. Want is such a foreign concept to Clive, after living most of his life either denying it for himself or having it denied for him. He's gone so long living without that it almost doesn't even bother him. For so long he's existed for someone or something else, for Joshua, for revenge, for all the souls he inherited when he made the decision to become Cid. But here in Caldera, those responsibilities have truly been lessened and while he does not dare to relax because of it, he can think a little more. Dream, almost.]
I think...it's what I always wanted. For all of us.
[If they could have grown up as simple children and not had the shadow of the Phoenix looming over them, or the lack of it, in Clive's case, would they have been happier? Instead of being hyper-aware of his mother, could Clive have simply enjoyed watching Joshua grow up and hoped to one day catch Jill's eye?
...Well, he supposes the latter did come true, albeit so many years and countless traumas later. Glancing over to her, he can't help the gentle smile that finds its way to his face.]
I would love to.
[Love. Ah...]
I find the beaches here more ideal than most I have seen back home.
[ Jill wants that for him more than anything. To want something for himself, to take something for himself, to do something completely for himself. It's why she tries to take him out as often as she can. So that he could enjoy those things. ]
Then trust me for a while and worry about nothing but right now.
[ She will start taking them in the direction of the beach. Her footsteps light and normal for a change. She's not rushing to get anywhere, she's not hiding behind every wall. they can just be themselves here.
On top of that? She's taken to holding his hand. Something she would likely never take for granted again. What with how long the two of them danced around what they really wanted. ]
[Apart from Joshua, there is no one else Clive would trust with his life, or his heart. And apart from Torgal, there is no one who has stood by his side so unfailingly, even when he hasn't felt worthy of such loyalty. So it's easy to do as Jill says and walk beside her, hand in hand.
Hand in hand. And isn't that such a simple, but incredible thing? That they found each other and can exist like this, even for a single day.
Clive glances over to Jill as they stroll and takes in her appearance, a slight flush coming to his cheeks.]
[ She does not want this moment to end. So she does what she can to prolong their time together. Especially here. So once they get a little further down the beach she’s going to stop.
He’s always been sweet in his own way. There is a tint to her cheeks when he compliments her. It’s just so sincere every single time.]
Clive, always charming me.
[ She never really takes what she wants, but today? It’s a different story. She stops their little walk to turn and pull him down to her level swiftly. Even with such a bold move, when she presses he lips to his she is as light as a feather. She couldn’t help herself really, to be so bold with him.]
[This entire outing has been Jill's idea so when she stops their walk, Clive follows suit obediently. Besides, it's nice to take a moment to look out at the ocean, the vastness of it never failing to impress him, either here or back home.
A moment is all he gets, though, before Jill tugs him down toward her and steals a gentle kiss. The act is so quick and surprising that he doesn't even have time to protest, not that he actually wants to. Jill is usually so reserved and quiet that Clive is the one who initiates most intimacy. It isn't a complaint he has, of course; with Jill he feels safe enough to show such serious affection whereas he might otherwise be choked by his own shyness. And even then his own bravery sometimes whimpers when Jill's happiness is on the line.
But now...
Now, Clive wraps his other arm around her waist and holds her close, sighing contentedly into her kiss as he claims her lips with the same gentleness she has shown him.
He doesn't know how long he kisses her, but eventually he pulls away, though he rests his forehead against her own. A soft laugh passes through his lips.]
[She feels like her boldness paid off here. Her whole body is buzzing with warmth. She’s happy. She can’t help the smile that creeps onto her cheeks. How did she get so lucky to have Clive?
Her arms end up around his neck, and when they part she’s happy to keep her forehead pressed to his. ]
Still you, I would gather.
[She places a few more chaste kisses on his lips. His laugh makes her just as warm as his kisses and she finds herself giggling quietly between their shared space. ]
[Jill keeps her emotions so close to her chest usually. Not that Clive holds any of that against her. Even when they were children, she had been reserved, whether due to her own nature or as a result of his mother trying to snuff out any of her individuality. And now, after knowing just the barest of what she experienced while in the clutches of the Iron Kingdom, he especially can't blame her.
So to hear her laugh, even just in the safety between their bodies, makes his heart feel near to bursting.]
[This side of Jill is so...warm. Light. A comfort when so much can be dark and dreary, even in a world without Ultima's pall and threat. This playfulness is foreign to both of them, but not unwelcome, never unwelcome, and Clive feels a smile rest comfortably upon his lips as he pulls away just enough to properly look at her.]
It's kept my hide untanned these last few years.
[He lifts a hand to brush the backs of his fingers along her cheek.]
I wouldn't be where I am without you.
[And then, because her beauty draws him in like a moth to flame, he kisses her once again, his lips lingering for a few moments longer.
But then he pulls away with no little disappointment and glances out over the ocean, the waves gently lapping over the sands so near to their feet.]
I'm reminded of the time we went to Northreach to pick up some ingredients for Mid.
[When weren't they picking up some ingredients for Mid, though?]
We had that impromptu picnic beside the lake. My apologies, I didn't think to bring the ham today.
And I shall keep it so, should you continue to let me.
[ She just can’t seem to help herself around him. This sort of banter is just a touch foreign to them. She would have felt equally as comfortable in their own world, in the comfort of the Hideout, but their situation just couldn’t have afforded it.
She turns her cheek delicately into his fingers, allowing herself to feel his hands. It doesn’t matter much to her what the feel like, it’s Clive and she loves him so dearly. Every part of him.
They haven’t even said it, have they? Perhaps they don’t need to. They know how they feel about each other.
She allows herself to get swept away again by him, pressing her lips against his with a delicate touch like no other. Once they finally pull away from each others lips, she just lets herself rest in his arms.]
That is quite alright, I am no more prepared than you. Perhaps we should plan an actual outing in the future, you and I. Though I hope you won’t think I’m trying to steal every moment with you.
[ Even if she might be trying to steal quite a few. ]
[It's easy to find Clive. Joshua's always had no issue tracking his brother down, and here it's no different. He finds him in the sitting room before the fire and wastes no time perching himself on the arm of the sofa, cheeks pink.]
[After a certain hour, Clive tries to return home, if not to keep some semblance of a routine, than to remain close to his family. Tonight is no different as he sits before the fire, book on his lap as he tries to take in the words, though this particular tome doesn't quite keep his attention.
So when he hears his brother approach, he uses Joshua's presence as a pleasant excuse to mark his place with the ribbon and closes it. Though, when he looks at Joshua and notes the flush in his brother's cheeks, he frowns slightly.]
[The slight frown on Clive's face has Joshua faltering slightly, but he regains his composure as he tucks his legs to the side, shifting on his perch.]
Well it's nothing to worry over but I have decided to court the Crown Prince of Sanbreque...and he has accepted my proposition.
[Words are spoken in a very specific order which hold a very specific meaning. Clive hears them. He does. It's just that this particular grouping of words with their meaning are a bundle that Clive had never expected, nor does he have any response ready to give.
Instead, he answers dumbly with - ]
Dion?
[Which isn't even a real question because who else could it possibly be? There's only one Crown Prince of Sanbreque, here in Caldera or back in Valisthea. But he's been knocked off-balance. Give him a moment.]
[He finds himself floundering suddenly, lifting off the sofa arm to stand, hand rubbing at his wrist as his face grows more and more red.]
I have grown terribly fond of him to the point that I am certain that I love him...so it only is right that I tell you so. Also, he said that he wants your blessing. He was very adamant about that...your approval. I told him not to worry but he is more insecure than he lets on...
[No, no, wait, he needs to do that again lest Joshua all but flies out the window in...embarrassment? He's come here to tell Clive something so important and Clive has fumbled his words.
He takes a breath and pushes himself to his feet, reaching a hand out to Joshua's shoulder, hoping to settle him.]
Forgive me. You...took me by surprise.
[He gives that shoulder a little squeeze, reassuring.]
This is joyous news.
[But then, voice softening somewhat, Clive has to ask, by virtue of being the elder brother - ]
[All of a sudden Joshua can feel the creeping tingle of shyness threatening to take hold of him. As easy as it was to tell Clive anything, this was something that he never really thought he would have to talk about with his brother. He remembers being little, asking Clive if mother and father would let him pick the person he could someday marry, to which Clive had reassured they would...but those were the musings of children, of one who especially knew nothing of romance beyond what he read in the pages of books at the castle or in plays.
In life Joshua hadn't been lucky in love. It would have been nice to experience but circumstances had made it impossible. The best he could do was support his brother and Jill in their happiness...but that didn't mean he was without yearning for his own. Now in death and life once renewed, the hunger for that kind of connection had grown. He had always been fond of Dion, Clive was well aware of that, but that fondness has blossomed into something more with the opportunity he had now been presented with.
It is joyous news, or so Joshua thinks it is, even if he feels embarrassment now colouring his cheeks and ears red.]
He is the only one I feel such a way toward. The only one who understands...what it's like to be like me.
[He bites his lower lip, smiling bashfully.]
Well, aside from you of course, but that's different.
[It isn't Clive's intention to make his brother even more embarrassed, merely to verify that Joshua's feelings aren't a momentary thing. Although even thinking such a thing about Joshua feels wrong. His heart has always been big and inviting, but even as a child his mind was strong enough to temper most fancies within reason.
Clive has no reason to doubt his strength all these years later.]
You're right, though. I remember even after the Remembrance Ceremony, you spoke of him for weeks. How excited you were to meet another Dominant like yourself.
[Clive breathes out a soft laugh.]
It might have been the first time I wasn't your favourite person.
[That was a strange feeling. For all of Joshua's life until that point, Clive had been his closest confidant. And then, suddenly, there was someone else in his life who made him feel joy. While Clive never truly felt as if Dion would replace him, it was hard to reconcile Joshua splitting his affections even more. Not even when Jill joined their family had Clive felt this way, probably because Jill had become so ingrained into their little unit that any affection Joshua showed her wasn't far from Clive.
Either way, it's all silliness. He knows that. Just because Joshua has found someone else to share in his love doesn't mean his family will suffer for it. And even if that were the case, Clive would want him to be happy first and foremost.]
You said Dion accepted. Does this mean you believe your feelings are reciprocated?
[Oh how his excitement lasted for weeks after the Remembrance Ceremony had ended. Joshua had been ecsatatic to meet a boy just like him, and the opportunity to forge a friendship beyond Clive and Jill had left him energized. Letters had been penned and sent, but of course it all came to an end thanks to that fateful night at Phoenix Gate. Still, the spark had been lit within Joshua's heart all those years ago and never was extinguished.]
Oh come on Clive, you know you'll always be my favourite. No matter what.
[Not even his adoration for Dion could supersede the importance Clive held in his heart. Even if his attachment to both was different, Clive would always be the one person he would always hold in the highest regard.
Clive's question has his smile faltering however, ever so slightly. In an instant he curses himself for it, knowing that his brother will have caught the downturn of the corners of his mouth, no matter how brief.]
Well...to an extent. I will never lay claim to his heart in full...but that is something I have accepted. He had a lover for over a decade...a friend he grew up with that was his closest confidant. How could I ever begin to replace such a bond? Nor would I ever want to. He is fond of me though. I know that much to be true.
[...Ah. The flicker of that smile does catch Clive's attention. Of course, this situation doesn't come without its own outside influences, but they all learned from too young an age that real life doesn't play by the same rules as the storybooks that lived on his shelves in Rosalith. And Dion is attractive and with a good heart, so why wouldn't he have found someone in his own youth?
But the way Joshua speaks of this lover, in the past tense, Clive assumes this person has passed on. Or perhaps things didn't work out. So much has changed in Valisthea in the last handful of years alone, after all. Lovers could become enemies.
Not that any of this is actually his business. Joshua is, though, and his brows knit together again.]
You are content with his fondness?
[...Maybe that's a little accusatory.]
Forgive me, I just...worry. You always give so much of yourself. I can't bear the thought of you being left empty while someone else benefits but doesn't give anything back.
[Or as content as he can be. It's hard not to be content when Dion had shown him care and had spoiled him rotten. He had made him feel and experience things he never dared to think he'd have the opportunity to. It wasn't as if the prince himself hadn't voiced similar concerns, ones Joshua had done his best to quell. It wasn't fair to him...but when had life ever been fair to him or any of them?]
If it calms you, he holds the same worries you do. That he won't be able to give himself to me the way he thinks I deserve...but I told him that it is okay. I don't need much.
[A hand instinctively raises to touch at his chest, free from the hellish mark Ultima had left upon it.]
He is kind, Clive. Cruel to himself, at times, but he holds nothing but kindness and fondness toward me. I do not mind being patient with him as he is patient with me in turn.
[Joshua has made up his mind, as quietly headstrong as he ever was. And yet there's a tightness in Clive's chest that doesn't go away as he listens to all this. He can't help but feel like Joshua is settling just because he is so fond of Dion. But Joshua isn't blind, either.
Clive will forever be his brother's Shield, but sometimes there are battles that cannot rely on such a defense. In this case, all Clive can really do is step back and let Joshua live.
Slowly, he nods, then pulls Joshua into a hug.]
You've already made your decision. Even if I were to forbid it, it wouldn't do any good. I only have so much sway.
[He holds Joshua close for a few moments, perhaps longer than necessary, but the two of them have always found comfort in this embrace. A side effect of separation, maybe. Or the need to depend on each other when either of their parents wouldn't do.
With another deep breath, Clive pulls away.]
How should I assure Dion of my blessing, then? In person? I can put it in writing...
[The hug is unexpected but it's not unwelcome. It's never unwelcome. Joshua readily returns the embrace, settling his chin atop Clive's shoulder, soaking up the comfort and reassurance that comes with it. He's not wrong. He had already made his decision, and although he respects Clive's opinion he can't imagine what he'd do if he did forbid it for whatever reason. There's a brief moment of panic when his mind races to dark places, of what he'd do if he had to defy him...but that won't have to happen.
If only Clive knew just how much sway he did have over all of them.]
Thank you, Clive. I know you only have my best interests at heart. You're protecting me, even now.
[As for the best way to reassure Dion...]
Considering I gave him my confession and proposition in writing, another letter may cause him undue stress. I think in person would be better.
[And, as promised, Clive comes home not long after, running a hand through his hair after he shuts the door behind himself. The heat from the fireplace immediately starts to seep into his bones, a welcome respite from the chill in the air outside. Or maybe Clive has simply never done well with the cold, certain people excluded. And when he gets to the sitting room, he offers Joshua and small smile and takes a seat on the sofa.]
[And as he had promised Joshua had lit the fire, the hearth of their home warm and inviting. It's become a welcoming shared space, one that Joshua has enjoyed using with everyone else. Even if he has very serious words to share with Clive he can't keep the smile off his face when he sees his older brother sit and make himself comfortable. It doesn't take long for him to join his brother on the sofa, crossing his legs as he sits back.]
So I have something potentially embarrassing to discuss...I do not intend to make you uncomfortable, but I feel that it is only fair to warn you.
Clive frowns slightly and tilts his head a little, like a dog confused. But then he almost hopes this conversation isn't heading where he suspects it is, though he won't deny his brother, either.]
Is...everything all right with you and Dion?
[This is not his area of expertise. Their father never really had the proper opportunity to discuss certain...activities with him, and even though Clive knew men were intimate in the Sanbrequois army, he had always been so separate from all of that, so he's hardly any help.]
[Well. Joshua wasn't expecting to be the one embarrassed, or at least so quickly. His ears and face flames red, heated once he realizes where Clive's mind is going.]
Yes Clive, I assure you everything is quite well between myself and Dion - you needn't worry over me! I am here to speak about you and Jill...and I've every right to worry over you.
[A breath rushes past Clive's lips so quickly and with such relief that he can't even stop it. Thank the Founder he doesn't have to help Joshua with that sort of advice. But then his brother turns it all back on him and Clive blinks, once again, unsure how to proceed.]
You haven't confessed to Jill, have you? She told me you hadn't. I know for a fact that you love her and she loves you in turn...what are you waiting for?
[Gentle, he reminds himself. Kind. Clive had a delicate, bleeding heart, that rivaled his own at times.]
You have to tell her Clive. It isn't right not to.
[How is it that his younger brother can pin him so easily in place, but Clive has no rebuttal prepared? How is he supposed to respond when he wants very much to not be perceived, even by someone he trusts with his entire life?
Clive leans forward and grips the edge of the sofa cushion in both hands, glancing down at his booted feet.]
Joshua...
[Worse than anything, though, is that Clive doesn't have a good answer. There is no reasonable excuse. Truth be told, he doesn't even know why he hasn't said anything. He's afraid? Shy? The timing has never felt right?
That night on the beach - a story he will not share with Joshua, no matter how much his brother may needle - had been as close as anything to him confessing his feelings, and afterward it just hasn't felt necessary to say anything else. If Jill hadn't been comfortable with him, then that night would have been the time for her to pull away. She could have given Shiva to him and then they would have gone back to waiting for their clothes to dry instead of sharing their desires so intimately.]
[Oh his poor, dear, gentle hearted brother. Any fire or indignation Joshua had felt over the circumstances is extinguished immediately. Instead he finds himself reaching out to settle a hand over Clive's, in a bid to reassure him. He doesn't want to berate or nag him.
No, he had to be kind.]
I know you may be shy but...it is the proper thing to do for a lady you have affections for. Father taught us that much.
[Or at least he taught Joshua how a lady should be treated. Mostly though it was to do with manners...but those lessons have been muddled with time.]
She excused it by saying she hasn't had the opportunity to say it in turn to you but...are you going to let her beat you to the punch?
[He glances at the hand covering his own, a part of him wanting to pull it away and retreat further into himself. Joshua had been right; this is embarrassing, though more so because he's right. Clive really should say it some day. Soon, even. He doesn't move, though. Despite his frustrations, lashing out against Joshua isn't right.
But fuck, when Joshua mentions their father, shame washes over him and Clive drops his shoulders a little more. Nearly two decades and Clive nearly losing his humanity have passed since their father died, but the mere idea of the man looking on his eldest and being disappointed sits like a pit in his stomach.
This time he does pull away, if gently, so he can go to stand in front of the fireplace and stare at the flames for a moment.]
If she wants to say it first, then who am I to begrudge her that? Jill has always been stronger and braver than I.
[Clive may not outwardly show it, but Joshua can tell he's frustrated. It's there under the surface of his skin, a simmering, low heat. Perhaps he shouldn't have brought up their father, but he hadn't done so to guilt Clive or make him feel poorly about himself. He isn't trying to admonish him...just encourage him.
His brother pulls away and moves to stand by the flames, leaving Joshua's hand cold.]
Clive...you know that's not what I meant. You've danced around one another for years. Tell her you love her. I promise you, it is no harder than telling me that you love me.
[Even if the love they share as brothers is clearly of the familial sort.]
We finally have the chance to live normal lives here, Clive. None of us should squander the time we've been given and should take every opportunity to embrace everything and everyone we love to the fullest.
[It is significantly harder than telling Joshua he loves him, even if he can't exactly explain why. It shouldn't be; Jill has been a part of their family for nearly as long as Joshua has, and Clive can hardly remember a time when he didn't hold some kind of affection for her, familial or otherwise.
But a new guilt drapes itself around him upon hearing that this place is a new chance for them. That may be true, for Joshua and Dion, and Jill to an extent. Their journeys have reached an end in one way or another, but Clive...
He can't stay here forever. Living in Caldera is a respite from the misery of Ultima and the Blight, sure, but one day he will have to return and finish what he's been dragged into. This remains unspoken, though. It would only upset his brother and he does a good enough job of that without any outside help.
Instead, he warms his hands over the fire for a moment, hoping to steer the conversation to safer waters.]
If you've already spoken to her about it, then you realize she'll be expecting me to say something.
[He glances over his shoulder, his lips starting to quirk up.]
[They had all finished their duty, as far as Joshua was concerned. Jill had said they didn't come back but magicks had disappeared from the land. Ultima, then, had to be gone. Joshua had seen as much as he had of their final stand before he had passed but he was certain that Clive had succeeded if what Jill had said was true. Whether he survived the fray or not was something Joshua didn't want to think about but what mattered is that they were done. They could rest...and while Joshua had given the world his brother once, he wouldn't be inclined to do so again.]
Clive...
[He sighs, resisting the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose at his brother's remarks.]
The last thing Jill will ever think is that you are disingenuous. We both are more than well aware you couldn't tell a convincing lie to save your life.
[Was that last jab necessary? Clive's building smile recedes into a scowl and he grumbles a response, mostly to himself, but still loud enough for Joshua to hear.]
Not you, too.
[Clive falls quiet again, spreading out his fingers so the heat can better envelop him. If he lets his eyes lose their focus just a little bit, it's almost like he's conjuring the flames himself. How long has he been here and still not been visited by any of the Eikons that previously called his body home? It still feels strange, unnatural, to be human.
Mostly, he just misses the ever-present company of the Phoenix's blessing. The flames that, while helping to consign him to a terrible fate, saved his life countless times. The fire that both forever reminded him of his deep grief and served as his best asset.
But that's not why they're here right now and Clive has no intention of dropping all of this in Joshua's lap without any warning.]
It isn't as if I don't want to tell her. I simply...don't know how. She deserves to feel special, not just an afterthought.
[Sorry Clive, the last jab was necessary, as per little brother laws. The scowl that settles on his brother's face has Joshua's own smile faltering slightly, but it eventually recovers.]
I know Clive. I agree that she does...but that doesn't mean you can't make her feel special. Why not take her out somewhere nice? There are many places in town the two of you could go, or you could always have a picnic out in the fields in spring when things warm again.
[Look Clive, he's not even telling you to tell her right now!! You can take your time.]
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timeasmymeasure
text | phoenix (Backdated a lil)
Date: 2024-10-16 01:29 am (UTC)un: underhill
Date: 2024-10-16 01:36 am (UTC)[Should he be worried...]
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Date: 2024-10-16 01:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-10-16 02:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-10-16 02:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-10-16 02:46 am (UTC)[They should drink something besides alcohol during their brotherly conversations, for starters.]
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Date: 2024-10-16 02:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-10-16 03:04 am (UTC)Joshua?
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Date: 2024-10-16 03:07 am (UTC)[At the sound of his name Joshua's quick to pop his head out of the kitchen, only to leave it in full to greet his brother. He's cheery and all smiles, spirits higher than usual. It seems that Clive's precious little brother is in quite a good mood and eager to share whatever it is with him.]
That was quick. You didn't race back here, did you?
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Date: 2024-10-16 03:16 am (UTC)I don't think so. Should I have taken longer for...whatever you have planned?
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Date: 2024-10-16 03:21 am (UTC)[There's a devious look to Joshua's expression as he throws a grin Clive's way before holding out a hand. In a moment it fills with flame, hovering atop his palm. He extinguishes it then, playful in doing so, a singular Phoenix Down left in the process. It's held between his fingers as he waves it teasingly toward his brother.]
My flames have returned to me.
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Date: 2024-10-16 03:36 am (UTC)His eyes widen and a new warmth blooms within his chest, a warmth that has nothing to do with Ifrit.]
So they have.
[A smile tugs at his lips.]
That's wonderful, Joshua.
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Date: 2024-10-16 03:43 am (UTC)[He finally feels as if he can be of use to others, rather than just a liability. Healing had been useful, sure, but it didn't help when he needed to protect himself. He steps closer then, reaching up to tuck the feather behind Clive's ear.]
There. For you. Until your own blessing returns to you as well.
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Date: 2024-10-17 10:45 pm (UTC)When Joshua gives that Phoenix feather to him so freely, so easily, Clive finds himself at a loss for words. He takes the feather and cradles it in his hands like it's the most precious thing in the world. And, in a sense, it is. This manifestation of his brother, the only reminder he had that Joshua was alive for five years while Joshua had made his away around Valisthea, just out of sight and just out of reach. Now, this gift from his brother knowing that Joshua won't survive the entire ordeal with Ultima, rests all the more heavily in his hands, despite being just a single feather.
Clive carefully brings the feather to his chest, holding it close to his heart.]
...Thank you.
[His voice comes out thicker than he would like, but it's too late now.]
And...I'm sorry. Once again, I feel as if everyone is waiting for me. But then Ifrit never was one to follow the rules, was he?
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Date: 2024-10-17 11:06 pm (UTC)Sorry? You needn't apologize, Clive.
[He reaches out with a hand to pat Clive's shoulder, in a bid to reassure him. While Joshua had his own self-confidence and image issues, he's not blind to the fact his brother suffers in a similar fashion.]
This isn't a race. You are incredibly capable as you are.
11/4 text;
Date: 2024-11-04 10:20 pm (UTC)I am leaving shortly to purchase further supplies, as well as ingredients for soup.
un: underhill
Date: 2024-11-04 11:59 pm (UTC)I'll watch him.
If you plan to get any vegetables, you needn't purchase any carrots.
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Date: 2024-11-05 12:03 am (UTC)Is he usually difficult to mind in illness?
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Date: 2024-11-05 12:12 am (UTC)Thank you, Dion. Truly.
When he was a child it wasn't impossible to keep him abed, but he has always been rather willful. Where his body may lack, his spirit prevails.
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Date: 2024-11-05 12:19 am (UTC)But think nothing of it; his illness is partially my doing. I had brought him to the shore yesterday and the water ran rather colder than he expected. Mayhap I should have cautioned him further, but there is little for it now.
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Date: 2024-11-05 01:28 am (UTC)If he put his mind to enjoying himself, I imagine there was very little you could have done to dissuade him. I would say he might learn from this, but I know better. All we can do now is keep the worst at bay.
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Date: 2024-11-11 03:32 am (UTC)But I shall leave him in your care for the time being then. Pray tell if there is aught else I should keep an eye out for while I am at market. I should return within an hour or two at most to aid you.
Text | Shiva
Date: 2024-11-10 11:47 pm (UTC)un: underhill
Date: 2024-11-11 02:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-11-11 02:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-11-12 03:41 am (UTC)[And, as asked, Clive shows up to the kitchen, a soft smile reaching his face when he sees Jill.]
Did you have a destination in mind, or is this to be an outing for pleasure?
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Date: 2024-11-12 03:46 am (UTC)[Also she’s got her hair in a full braid today, as well as having dressed herself in a lovely blue dress. ]
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Date: 2024-11-12 04:16 am (UTC)Mm. We often don't get the opportunity for this, do we?
[But, now they can rectify that. Clive bows his head toward her, then goes to the door to hold it open for her, whenever she's ready.]
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Date: 2024-11-13 04:07 am (UTC)We don’t, and I’d like to do it as often as we can.
[ She steps outside, and holds out her hand for him.]
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Date: 2024-11-13 04:58 am (UTC)I'd like that, too.
[Even if he thinks about their actual situation back in Valisthea, how it seems that they'll be separated no matter how much they'd like not to be, it makes his chest hurt. But if that is how things will turn out, then shouldn't that urge him to enjoy these stolen moments even more?]
Just the two of us without the weight of the world on our shoulders. For a time, anyway.
[He walks, silent for a moment.]
I can almost pretend that we're normal people.
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Date: 2024-11-16 02:51 am (UTC)Isn't that what we want? Just for a moment or two.
[ Jill knows that it is not the best idea to pretend that what is coming in their world won't come. It doesn't do them any favors.
But for brief moments Jill wants to enjoy their relationship as they intended. ]
There was a beach somewhere nearby, Joshua and I collected pearls at it some time ago. Would you like to go there?
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Date: 2024-11-17 04:15 am (UTC)I think...it's what I always wanted. For all of us.
[If they could have grown up as simple children and not had the shadow of the Phoenix looming over them, or the lack of it, in Clive's case, would they have been happier? Instead of being hyper-aware of his mother, could Clive have simply enjoyed watching Joshua grow up and hoped to one day catch Jill's eye?
...Well, he supposes the latter did come true, albeit so many years and countless traumas later. Glancing over to her, he can't help the gentle smile that finds its way to his face.]
I would love to.
[Love. Ah...]
I find the beaches here more ideal than most I have seen back home.
this is soooo crusty i'm sorry
Date: 2024-12-10 08:05 pm (UTC)Then trust me for a while and worry about nothing but right now.
[ She will start taking them in the direction of the beach. Her footsteps light and normal for a change. She's not rushing to get anywhere, she's not hiding behind every wall. they can just be themselves here.
On top of that? She's taken to holding his hand. Something she would likely never take for granted again. What with how long the two of them danced around what they really wanted. ]
no shhh it's perfect
Date: 2024-12-12 02:59 am (UTC)Yes, My Lady.
[Apart from Joshua, there is no one else Clive would trust with his life, or his heart. And apart from Torgal, there is no one who has stood by his side so unfailingly, even when he hasn't felt worthy of such loyalty. So it's easy to do as Jill says and walk beside her, hand in hand.
Hand in hand. And isn't that such a simple, but incredible thing? That they found each other and can exist like this, even for a single day.
Clive glances over to Jill as they stroll and takes in her appearance, a slight flush coming to his cheeks.]
You look lovely today.
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Date: 2024-12-15 11:21 pm (UTC)He’s always been sweet in his own way. There is a tint to her cheeks when he compliments her. It’s just so sincere every single time.]
Clive, always charming me.
[ She never really takes what she wants, but today? It’s a different story. She stops their little walk to turn and pull him down to her level swiftly. Even with such a bold move, when she presses he lips to his she is as light as a feather. She couldn’t help herself really, to be so bold with him.]
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Date: 2024-12-15 11:59 pm (UTC)A moment is all he gets, though, before Jill tugs him down toward her and steals a gentle kiss. The act is so quick and surprising that he doesn't even have time to protest, not that he actually wants to. Jill is usually so reserved and quiet that Clive is the one who initiates most intimacy. It isn't a complaint he has, of course; with Jill he feels safe enough to show such serious affection whereas he might otherwise be choked by his own shyness. And even then his own bravery sometimes whimpers when Jill's happiness is on the line.
But now...
Now, Clive wraps his other arm around her waist and holds her close, sighing contentedly into her kiss as he claims her lips with the same gentleness she has shown him.
He doesn't know how long he kisses her, but eventually he pulls away, though he rests his forehead against her own. A soft laugh passes through his lips.]
Ah...now who is the charming one?
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Date: 2024-12-16 12:33 am (UTC)Her arms end up around his neck, and when they part she’s happy to keep her forehead pressed to his. ]
Still you, I would gather.
[She places a few more chaste kisses on his lips. His laugh makes her just as warm as his kisses and she finds herself giggling quietly between their shared space. ]
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Date: 2024-12-29 11:20 pm (UTC)[Jill keeps her emotions so close to her chest usually. Not that Clive holds any of that against her. Even when they were children, she had been reserved, whether due to her own nature or as a result of his mother trying to snuff out any of her individuality. And now, after knowing just the barest of what she experienced while in the clutches of the Iron Kingdom, he especially can't blame her.
So to hear her laugh, even just in the safety between their bodies, makes his heart feel near to bursting.]
I love the sound of your laughter.
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Date: 2024-12-29 11:48 pm (UTC)[She had done it for so long, hadn’t she? Kept everything inside. It’s safe with him. So her laughs do come a lot easier.
Her heart is so full right now. ]
I’m glad we came here, just the two of us. I can’t remember the last time I felt this relaxed.
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Date: 2024-12-30 01:34 am (UTC)It's kept my hide untanned these last few years.
[He lifts a hand to brush the backs of his fingers along her cheek.]
I wouldn't be where I am without you.
[And then, because her beauty draws him in like a moth to flame, he kisses her once again, his lips lingering for a few moments longer.
But then he pulls away with no little disappointment and glances out over the ocean, the waves gently lapping over the sands so near to their feet.]
I'm reminded of the time we went to Northreach to pick up some ingredients for Mid.
[When weren't they picking up some ingredients for Mid, though?]
We had that impromptu picnic beside the lake. My apologies, I didn't think to bring the ham today.
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Date: 2024-12-31 05:15 am (UTC)[ She just can’t seem to help herself around him. This sort of banter is just a touch foreign to them. She would have felt equally as comfortable in their own world, in the comfort of the Hideout, but their situation just couldn’t have afforded it.
She turns her cheek delicately into his fingers, allowing herself to feel his hands. It doesn’t matter much to her what the feel like, it’s Clive and she loves him so dearly. Every part of him.
They haven’t even said it, have they? Perhaps they don’t need to. They know how they feel about each other.
She allows herself to get swept away again by him, pressing her lips against his with a delicate touch like no other. Once they finally pull away from each others lips, she just lets herself rest in his arms.]
That is quite alright, I am no more prepared than you. Perhaps we should plan an actual outing in the future, you and I. Though I hope you won’t think I’m trying to steal every moment with you.
[ Even if she might be trying to steal quite a few. ]
Time to tell Clive The News
Date: 2024-12-01 09:20 pm (UTC)Clive? I've something important to tell you.
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Date: 2024-12-02 12:51 am (UTC)So when he hears his brother approach, he uses Joshua's presence as a pleasant excuse to mark his place with the ribbon and closes it. Though, when he looks at Joshua and notes the flush in his brother's cheeks, he frowns slightly.]
What is it, Joshua?
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Date: 2024-12-02 01:02 am (UTC)Well it's nothing to worry over but I have decided to court the Crown Prince of Sanbreque...and he has accepted my proposition.
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Date: 2024-12-02 01:21 am (UTC)Instead, he answers dumbly with - ]
Dion?
[Which isn't even a real question because who else could it possibly be? There's only one Crown Prince of Sanbreque, here in Caldera or back in Valisthea. But he's been knocked off-balance. Give him a moment.]
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Date: 2024-12-02 01:25 am (UTC)[He finds himself floundering suddenly, lifting off the sofa arm to stand, hand rubbing at his wrist as his face grows more and more red.]
I have grown terribly fond of him to the point that I am certain that I love him...so it only is right that I tell you so. Also, he said that he wants your blessing. He was very adamant about that...your approval. I told him not to worry but he is more insecure than he lets on...
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Date: 2024-12-02 02:05 am (UTC)He takes a breath and pushes himself to his feet, reaching a hand out to Joshua's shoulder, hoping to settle him.]
Forgive me. You...took me by surprise.
[He gives that shoulder a little squeeze, reassuring.]
This is joyous news.
[But then, voice softening somewhat, Clive has to ask, by virtue of being the elder brother - ]
You truly feel such depth for him?
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Date: 2024-12-02 02:17 am (UTC)In life Joshua hadn't been lucky in love. It would have been nice to experience but circumstances had made it impossible. The best he could do was support his brother and Jill in their happiness...but that didn't mean he was without yearning for his own. Now in death and life once renewed, the hunger for that kind of connection had grown. He had always been fond of Dion, Clive was well aware of that, but that fondness has blossomed into something more with the opportunity he had now been presented with.
It is joyous news, or so Joshua thinks it is, even if he feels embarrassment now colouring his cheeks and ears red.]
He is the only one I feel such a way toward. The only one who understands...what it's like to be like me.
[He bites his lower lip, smiling bashfully.]
Well, aside from you of course, but that's different.
[Naturally.]
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Date: 2024-12-02 02:52 am (UTC)Clive has no reason to doubt his strength all these years later.]
You're right, though. I remember even after the Remembrance Ceremony, you spoke of him for weeks. How excited you were to meet another Dominant like yourself.
[Clive breathes out a soft laugh.]
It might have been the first time I wasn't your favourite person.
[That was a strange feeling. For all of Joshua's life until that point, Clive had been his closest confidant. And then, suddenly, there was someone else in his life who made him feel joy. While Clive never truly felt as if Dion would replace him, it was hard to reconcile Joshua splitting his affections even more. Not even when Jill joined their family had Clive felt this way, probably because Jill had become so ingrained into their little unit that any affection Joshua showed her wasn't far from Clive.
Either way, it's all silliness. He knows that. Just because Joshua has found someone else to share in his love doesn't mean his family will suffer for it. And even if that were the case, Clive would want him to be happy first and foremost.]
You said Dion accepted. Does this mean you believe your feelings are reciprocated?
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Date: 2024-12-02 03:18 am (UTC)Oh come on Clive, you know you'll always be my favourite. No matter what.
[Not even his adoration for Dion could supersede the importance Clive held in his heart. Even if his attachment to both was different, Clive would always be the one person he would always hold in the highest regard.
Clive's question has his smile faltering however, ever so slightly. In an instant he curses himself for it, knowing that his brother will have caught the downturn of the corners of his mouth, no matter how brief.]
Well...to an extent. I will never lay claim to his heart in full...but that is something I have accepted. He had a lover for over a decade...a friend he grew up with that was his closest confidant. How could I ever begin to replace such a bond? Nor would I ever want to. He is fond of me though. I know that much to be true.
[And that should be enough, right?]
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Date: 2024-12-02 04:07 am (UTC)But the way Joshua speaks of this lover, in the past tense, Clive assumes this person has passed on. Or perhaps things didn't work out. So much has changed in Valisthea in the last handful of years alone, after all. Lovers could become enemies.
Not that any of this is actually his business. Joshua is, though, and his brows knit together again.]
You are content with his fondness?
[...Maybe that's a little accusatory.]
Forgive me, I just...worry. You always give so much of yourself. I can't bear the thought of you being left empty while someone else benefits but doesn't give anything back.
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Date: 2024-12-02 04:19 am (UTC)[Or as content as he can be. It's hard not to be content when Dion had shown him care and had spoiled him rotten. He had made him feel and experience things he never dared to think he'd have the opportunity to. It wasn't as if the prince himself hadn't voiced similar concerns, ones Joshua had done his best to quell. It wasn't fair to him...but when had life ever been fair to him or any of them?]
If it calms you, he holds the same worries you do. That he won't be able to give himself to me the way he thinks I deserve...but I told him that it is okay. I don't need much.
[A hand instinctively raises to touch at his chest, free from the hellish mark Ultima had left upon it.]
He is kind, Clive. Cruel to himself, at times, but he holds nothing but kindness and fondness toward me. I do not mind being patient with him as he is patient with me in turn.
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Date: 2024-12-02 04:40 am (UTC)Clive will forever be his brother's Shield, but sometimes there are battles that cannot rely on such a defense. In this case, all Clive can really do is step back and let Joshua live.
Slowly, he nods, then pulls Joshua into a hug.]
You've already made your decision. Even if I were to forbid it, it wouldn't do any good. I only have so much sway.
[He holds Joshua close for a few moments, perhaps longer than necessary, but the two of them have always found comfort in this embrace. A side effect of separation, maybe. Or the need to depend on each other when either of their parents wouldn't do.
With another deep breath, Clive pulls away.]
How should I assure Dion of my blessing, then? In person? I can put it in writing...
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Date: 2024-12-02 04:51 am (UTC)If only Clive knew just how much sway he did have over all of them.]
Thank you, Clive. I know you only have my best interests at heart. You're protecting me, even now.
[As for the best way to reassure Dion...]
Considering I gave him my confession and proposition in writing, another letter may cause him undue stress. I think in person would be better.
text | phoenix
Date: 2025-01-01 10:23 pm (UTC)text | underhill
Date: 2025-01-01 10:30 pm (UTC)Of course, Joshua. Would you like to meet somewhere?
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Date: 2025-01-01 10:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-01-01 10:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-01-01 11:01 pm (UTC)action!
Date: 2025-01-01 11:18 pm (UTC)The fire is appreciated. Thank you.
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Date: 2025-01-01 11:31 pm (UTC)So I have something potentially embarrassing to discuss...I do not intend to make you uncomfortable, but I feel that it is only fair to warn you.
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Date: 2025-01-02 12:26 am (UTC)Clive frowns slightly and tilts his head a little, like a dog confused. But then he almost hopes this conversation isn't heading where he suspects it is, though he won't deny his brother, either.]
Is...everything all right with you and Dion?
[This is not his area of expertise. Their father never really had the proper opportunity to discuss certain...activities with him, and even though Clive knew men were intimate in the Sanbrequois army, he had always been so separate from all of that, so he's hardly any help.]
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Date: 2025-01-02 12:31 am (UTC)Yes Clive, I assure you everything is quite well between myself and Dion - you needn't worry over me! I am here to speak about you and Jill...and I've every right to worry over you.
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Date: 2025-01-02 12:41 am (UTC)Worry? Why?
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Date: 2025-01-02 12:46 am (UTC)[Gentle, he reminds himself. Kind. Clive had a delicate, bleeding heart, that rivaled his own at times.]
You have to tell her Clive. It isn't right not to.
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Date: 2025-01-02 01:17 am (UTC)Clive leans forward and grips the edge of the sofa cushion in both hands, glancing down at his booted feet.]
Joshua...
[Worse than anything, though, is that Clive doesn't have a good answer. There is no reasonable excuse. Truth be told, he doesn't even know why he hasn't said anything. He's afraid? Shy? The timing has never felt right?
That night on the beach - a story he will not share with Joshua, no matter how much his brother may needle - had been as close as anything to him confessing his feelings, and afterward it just hasn't felt necessary to say anything else. If Jill hadn't been comfortable with him, then that night would have been the time for her to pull away. She could have given Shiva to him and then they would have gone back to waiting for their clothes to dry instead of sharing their desires so intimately.]
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Date: 2025-01-02 01:25 am (UTC)[Oh his poor, dear, gentle hearted brother. Any fire or indignation Joshua had felt over the circumstances is extinguished immediately. Instead he finds himself reaching out to settle a hand over Clive's, in a bid to reassure him. He doesn't want to berate or nag him.
No, he had to be kind.]
I know you may be shy but...it is the proper thing to do for a lady you have affections for. Father taught us that much.
[Or at least he taught Joshua how a lady should be treated. Mostly though it was to do with manners...but those lessons have been muddled with time.]
She excused it by saying she hasn't had the opportunity to say it in turn to you but...are you going to let her beat you to the punch?
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Date: 2025-01-02 01:47 am (UTC)But fuck, when Joshua mentions their father, shame washes over him and Clive drops his shoulders a little more. Nearly two decades and Clive nearly losing his humanity have passed since their father died, but the mere idea of the man looking on his eldest and being disappointed sits like a pit in his stomach.
This time he does pull away, if gently, so he can go to stand in front of the fireplace and stare at the flames for a moment.]
If she wants to say it first, then who am I to begrudge her that? Jill has always been stronger and braver than I.
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Date: 2025-01-02 01:56 am (UTC)His brother pulls away and moves to stand by the flames, leaving Joshua's hand cold.]
Clive...you know that's not what I meant. You've danced around one another for years. Tell her you love her. I promise you, it is no harder than telling me that you love me.
[Even if the love they share as brothers is clearly of the familial sort.]
We finally have the chance to live normal lives here, Clive. None of us should squander the time we've been given and should take every opportunity to embrace everything and everyone we love to the fullest.
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Date: 2025-01-02 03:53 pm (UTC)But a new guilt drapes itself around him upon hearing that this place is a new chance for them. That may be true, for Joshua and Dion, and Jill to an extent. Their journeys have reached an end in one way or another, but Clive...
He can't stay here forever. Living in Caldera is a respite from the misery of Ultima and the Blight, sure, but one day he will have to return and finish what he's been dragged into. This remains unspoken, though. It would only upset his brother and he does a good enough job of that without any outside help.
Instead, he warms his hands over the fire for a moment, hoping to steer the conversation to safer waters.]
If you've already spoken to her about it, then you realize she'll be expecting me to say something.
[He glances over his shoulder, his lips starting to quirk up.]
And then it will sound disingenuous.
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Date: 2025-01-02 04:46 pm (UTC)Clive...
[He sighs, resisting the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose at his brother's remarks.]
The last thing Jill will ever think is that you are disingenuous. We both are more than well aware you couldn't tell a convincing lie to save your life.
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Date: 2025-01-03 11:15 pm (UTC)Not you, too.
[Clive falls quiet again, spreading out his fingers so the heat can better envelop him. If he lets his eyes lose their focus just a little bit, it's almost like he's conjuring the flames himself. How long has he been here and still not been visited by any of the Eikons that previously called his body home? It still feels strange, unnatural, to be human.
Mostly, he just misses the ever-present company of the Phoenix's blessing. The flames that, while helping to consign him to a terrible fate, saved his life countless times. The fire that both forever reminded him of his deep grief and served as his best asset.
But that's not why they're here right now and Clive has no intention of dropping all of this in Joshua's lap without any warning.]
It isn't as if I don't want to tell her. I simply...don't know how. She deserves to feel special, not just an afterthought.
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Date: 2025-01-19 06:16 pm (UTC)I know Clive. I agree that she does...but that doesn't mean you can't make her feel special. Why not take her out somewhere nice? There are many places in town the two of you could go, or you could always have a picnic out in the fields in spring when things warm again.
[Look Clive, he's not even telling you to tell her right now!! You can take your time.]