[And, as promised, Clive comes home not long after, running a hand through his hair after he shuts the door behind himself. The heat from the fireplace immediately starts to seep into his bones, a welcome respite from the chill in the air outside. Or maybe Clive has simply never done well with the cold, certain people excluded. And when he gets to the sitting room, he offers Joshua and small smile and takes a seat on the sofa.]
[And as he had promised Joshua had lit the fire, the hearth of their home warm and inviting. It's become a welcoming shared space, one that Joshua has enjoyed using with everyone else. Even if he has very serious words to share with Clive he can't keep the smile off his face when he sees his older brother sit and make himself comfortable. It doesn't take long for him to join his brother on the sofa, crossing his legs as he sits back.]
So I have something potentially embarrassing to discuss...I do not intend to make you uncomfortable, but I feel that it is only fair to warn you.
Clive frowns slightly and tilts his head a little, like a dog confused. But then he almost hopes this conversation isn't heading where he suspects it is, though he won't deny his brother, either.]
Is...everything all right with you and Dion?
[This is not his area of expertise. Their father never really had the proper opportunity to discuss certain...activities with him, and even though Clive knew men were intimate in the Sanbrequois army, he had always been so separate from all of that, so he's hardly any help.]
[Well. Joshua wasn't expecting to be the one embarrassed, or at least so quickly. His ears and face flames red, heated once he realizes where Clive's mind is going.]
Yes Clive, I assure you everything is quite well between myself and Dion - you needn't worry over me! I am here to speak about you and Jill...and I've every right to worry over you.
[A breath rushes past Clive's lips so quickly and with such relief that he can't even stop it. Thank the Founder he doesn't have to help Joshua with that sort of advice. But then his brother turns it all back on him and Clive blinks, once again, unsure how to proceed.]
You haven't confessed to Jill, have you? She told me you hadn't. I know for a fact that you love her and she loves you in turn...what are you waiting for?
[Gentle, he reminds himself. Kind. Clive had a delicate, bleeding heart, that rivaled his own at times.]
You have to tell her Clive. It isn't right not to.
[How is it that his younger brother can pin him so easily in place, but Clive has no rebuttal prepared? How is he supposed to respond when he wants very much to not be perceived, even by someone he trusts with his entire life?
Clive leans forward and grips the edge of the sofa cushion in both hands, glancing down at his booted feet.]
Joshua...
[Worse than anything, though, is that Clive doesn't have a good answer. There is no reasonable excuse. Truth be told, he doesn't even know why he hasn't said anything. He's afraid? Shy? The timing has never felt right?
That night on the beach - a story he will not share with Joshua, no matter how much his brother may needle - had been as close as anything to him confessing his feelings, and afterward it just hasn't felt necessary to say anything else. If Jill hadn't been comfortable with him, then that night would have been the time for her to pull away. She could have given Shiva to him and then they would have gone back to waiting for their clothes to dry instead of sharing their desires so intimately.]
[Oh his poor, dear, gentle hearted brother. Any fire or indignation Joshua had felt over the circumstances is extinguished immediately. Instead he finds himself reaching out to settle a hand over Clive's, in a bid to reassure him. He doesn't want to berate or nag him.
No, he had to be kind.]
I know you may be shy but...it is the proper thing to do for a lady you have affections for. Father taught us that much.
[Or at least he taught Joshua how a lady should be treated. Mostly though it was to do with manners...but those lessons have been muddled with time.]
She excused it by saying she hasn't had the opportunity to say it in turn to you but...are you going to let her beat you to the punch?
[He glances at the hand covering his own, a part of him wanting to pull it away and retreat further into himself. Joshua had been right; this is embarrassing, though more so because he's right. Clive really should say it some day. Soon, even. He doesn't move, though. Despite his frustrations, lashing out against Joshua isn't right.
But fuck, when Joshua mentions their father, shame washes over him and Clive drops his shoulders a little more. Nearly two decades and Clive nearly losing his humanity have passed since their father died, but the mere idea of the man looking on his eldest and being disappointed sits like a pit in his stomach.
This time he does pull away, if gently, so he can go to stand in front of the fireplace and stare at the flames for a moment.]
If she wants to say it first, then who am I to begrudge her that? Jill has always been stronger and braver than I.
[Clive may not outwardly show it, but Joshua can tell he's frustrated. It's there under the surface of his skin, a simmering, low heat. Perhaps he shouldn't have brought up their father, but he hadn't done so to guilt Clive or make him feel poorly about himself. He isn't trying to admonish him...just encourage him.
His brother pulls away and moves to stand by the flames, leaving Joshua's hand cold.]
Clive...you know that's not what I meant. You've danced around one another for years. Tell her you love her. I promise you, it is no harder than telling me that you love me.
[Even if the love they share as brothers is clearly of the familial sort.]
We finally have the chance to live normal lives here, Clive. None of us should squander the time we've been given and should take every opportunity to embrace everything and everyone we love to the fullest.
[It is significantly harder than telling Joshua he loves him, even if he can't exactly explain why. It shouldn't be; Jill has been a part of their family for nearly as long as Joshua has, and Clive can hardly remember a time when he didn't hold some kind of affection for her, familial or otherwise.
But a new guilt drapes itself around him upon hearing that this place is a new chance for them. That may be true, for Joshua and Dion, and Jill to an extent. Their journeys have reached an end in one way or another, but Clive...
He can't stay here forever. Living in Caldera is a respite from the misery of Ultima and the Blight, sure, but one day he will have to return and finish what he's been dragged into. This remains unspoken, though. It would only upset his brother and he does a good enough job of that without any outside help.
Instead, he warms his hands over the fire for a moment, hoping to steer the conversation to safer waters.]
If you've already spoken to her about it, then you realize she'll be expecting me to say something.
[He glances over his shoulder, his lips starting to quirk up.]
[They had all finished their duty, as far as Joshua was concerned. Jill had said they didn't come back but magicks had disappeared from the land. Ultima, then, had to be gone. Joshua had seen as much as he had of their final stand before he had passed but he was certain that Clive had succeeded if what Jill had said was true. Whether he survived the fray or not was something Joshua didn't want to think about but what mattered is that they were done. They could rest...and while Joshua had given the world his brother once, he wouldn't be inclined to do so again.]
Clive...
[He sighs, resisting the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose at his brother's remarks.]
The last thing Jill will ever think is that you are disingenuous. We both are more than well aware you couldn't tell a convincing lie to save your life.
[Was that last jab necessary? Clive's building smile recedes into a scowl and he grumbles a response, mostly to himself, but still loud enough for Joshua to hear.]
Not you, too.
[Clive falls quiet again, spreading out his fingers so the heat can better envelop him. If he lets his eyes lose their focus just a little bit, it's almost like he's conjuring the flames himself. How long has he been here and still not been visited by any of the Eikons that previously called his body home? It still feels strange, unnatural, to be human.
Mostly, he just misses the ever-present company of the Phoenix's blessing. The flames that, while helping to consign him to a terrible fate, saved his life countless times. The fire that both forever reminded him of his deep grief and served as his best asset.
But that's not why they're here right now and Clive has no intention of dropping all of this in Joshua's lap without any warning.]
It isn't as if I don't want to tell her. I simply...don't know how. She deserves to feel special, not just an afterthought.
[Sorry Clive, the last jab was necessary, as per little brother laws. The scowl that settles on his brother's face has Joshua's own smile faltering slightly, but it eventually recovers.]
I know Clive. I agree that she does...but that doesn't mean you can't make her feel special. Why not take her out somewhere nice? There are many places in town the two of you could go, or you could always have a picnic out in the fields in spring when things warm again.
[Look Clive, he's not even telling you to tell her right now!! You can take your time.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2025-01-01 10:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-01-01 10:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-01-01 11:01 pm (UTC)action!
Date: 2025-01-01 11:18 pm (UTC)The fire is appreciated. Thank you.
no subject
Date: 2025-01-01 11:31 pm (UTC)So I have something potentially embarrassing to discuss...I do not intend to make you uncomfortable, but I feel that it is only fair to warn you.
no subject
Date: 2025-01-02 12:26 am (UTC)Clive frowns slightly and tilts his head a little, like a dog confused. But then he almost hopes this conversation isn't heading where he suspects it is, though he won't deny his brother, either.]
Is...everything all right with you and Dion?
[This is not his area of expertise. Their father never really had the proper opportunity to discuss certain...activities with him, and even though Clive knew men were intimate in the Sanbrequois army, he had always been so separate from all of that, so he's hardly any help.]
no subject
Date: 2025-01-02 12:31 am (UTC)Yes Clive, I assure you everything is quite well between myself and Dion - you needn't worry over me! I am here to speak about you and Jill...and I've every right to worry over you.
no subject
Date: 2025-01-02 12:41 am (UTC)Worry? Why?
no subject
Date: 2025-01-02 12:46 am (UTC)[Gentle, he reminds himself. Kind. Clive had a delicate, bleeding heart, that rivaled his own at times.]
You have to tell her Clive. It isn't right not to.
no subject
Date: 2025-01-02 01:17 am (UTC)Clive leans forward and grips the edge of the sofa cushion in both hands, glancing down at his booted feet.]
Joshua...
[Worse than anything, though, is that Clive doesn't have a good answer. There is no reasonable excuse. Truth be told, he doesn't even know why he hasn't said anything. He's afraid? Shy? The timing has never felt right?
That night on the beach - a story he will not share with Joshua, no matter how much his brother may needle - had been as close as anything to him confessing his feelings, and afterward it just hasn't felt necessary to say anything else. If Jill hadn't been comfortable with him, then that night would have been the time for her to pull away. She could have given Shiva to him and then they would have gone back to waiting for their clothes to dry instead of sharing their desires so intimately.]
no subject
Date: 2025-01-02 01:25 am (UTC)[Oh his poor, dear, gentle hearted brother. Any fire or indignation Joshua had felt over the circumstances is extinguished immediately. Instead he finds himself reaching out to settle a hand over Clive's, in a bid to reassure him. He doesn't want to berate or nag him.
No, he had to be kind.]
I know you may be shy but...it is the proper thing to do for a lady you have affections for. Father taught us that much.
[Or at least he taught Joshua how a lady should be treated. Mostly though it was to do with manners...but those lessons have been muddled with time.]
She excused it by saying she hasn't had the opportunity to say it in turn to you but...are you going to let her beat you to the punch?
no subject
Date: 2025-01-02 01:47 am (UTC)But fuck, when Joshua mentions their father, shame washes over him and Clive drops his shoulders a little more. Nearly two decades and Clive nearly losing his humanity have passed since their father died, but the mere idea of the man looking on his eldest and being disappointed sits like a pit in his stomach.
This time he does pull away, if gently, so he can go to stand in front of the fireplace and stare at the flames for a moment.]
If she wants to say it first, then who am I to begrudge her that? Jill has always been stronger and braver than I.
no subject
Date: 2025-01-02 01:56 am (UTC)His brother pulls away and moves to stand by the flames, leaving Joshua's hand cold.]
Clive...you know that's not what I meant. You've danced around one another for years. Tell her you love her. I promise you, it is no harder than telling me that you love me.
[Even if the love they share as brothers is clearly of the familial sort.]
We finally have the chance to live normal lives here, Clive. None of us should squander the time we've been given and should take every opportunity to embrace everything and everyone we love to the fullest.
no subject
Date: 2025-01-02 03:53 pm (UTC)But a new guilt drapes itself around him upon hearing that this place is a new chance for them. That may be true, for Joshua and Dion, and Jill to an extent. Their journeys have reached an end in one way or another, but Clive...
He can't stay here forever. Living in Caldera is a respite from the misery of Ultima and the Blight, sure, but one day he will have to return and finish what he's been dragged into. This remains unspoken, though. It would only upset his brother and he does a good enough job of that without any outside help.
Instead, he warms his hands over the fire for a moment, hoping to steer the conversation to safer waters.]
If you've already spoken to her about it, then you realize she'll be expecting me to say something.
[He glances over his shoulder, his lips starting to quirk up.]
And then it will sound disingenuous.
no subject
Date: 2025-01-02 04:46 pm (UTC)Clive...
[He sighs, resisting the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose at his brother's remarks.]
The last thing Jill will ever think is that you are disingenuous. We both are more than well aware you couldn't tell a convincing lie to save your life.
no subject
Date: 2025-01-03 11:15 pm (UTC)Not you, too.
[Clive falls quiet again, spreading out his fingers so the heat can better envelop him. If he lets his eyes lose their focus just a little bit, it's almost like he's conjuring the flames himself. How long has he been here and still not been visited by any of the Eikons that previously called his body home? It still feels strange, unnatural, to be human.
Mostly, he just misses the ever-present company of the Phoenix's blessing. The flames that, while helping to consign him to a terrible fate, saved his life countless times. The fire that both forever reminded him of his deep grief and served as his best asset.
But that's not why they're here right now and Clive has no intention of dropping all of this in Joshua's lap without any warning.]
It isn't as if I don't want to tell her. I simply...don't know how. She deserves to feel special, not just an afterthought.
no subject
Date: 2025-01-19 06:16 pm (UTC)I know Clive. I agree that she does...but that doesn't mean you can't make her feel special. Why not take her out somewhere nice? There are many places in town the two of you could go, or you could always have a picnic out in the fields in spring when things warm again.
[Look Clive, he's not even telling you to tell her right now!! You can take your time.]