[Clive has meant to tell Jill. It's the right thing to do. And yet, between settling himself in this new world and trying to gather the right words, he has ended up putting it off. He will tell her, though. He has to. It's only fair that she knows the truth, especially since Joshua knows, too, and seems quite insistent about it.
Tomorrow, he tells himself. Tonight, he'll get some rest and prepare himself.
But as he undresses in preparation for said rest, there comes a knock on his door and that devastatingly familiar voice outside. Ah. So it seems he might have this conversation earlier than expected. That's probably for the best. He takes a breath and moves to the door, opening it.
He's just dressed in a shirt and trousers which is not the most proper for receiving a woman so late at night - thought that in and of itself is also not so proper - but he doesn't want to keep her waiting.]
[Ah. Now that she is in front of him, she realizes that not only is he clearly dressed to sleep but, in her haste, so is she. Even if it is still modest, perhaps she could have been less impulsive. It had taken her at least this long to talk herself into asking him about everything.]
Oh. [A look of surprise appears briefly on her face. There were other feelings attached to that, of course. As there seemed to be ever since they had found one another again. There had been so much going on that little time was spent dwelling on such things. Now was no exception. The conversation she wants to have is important.]
Did I wake you?
[For a moment she falters, wondering if she should ask him tomorrow.]
I just... I was hoping we could talk? If I'm not disturbing you.
[Clive hadn't even thought about what she would be wearing he opened his door, so he's just as surprised as she is at her state of dress. Not that a chemise is scandalous, not when he's seen her in less.
That thought nearly distracts him, until he remembers that she doesn't and he isn't about to let his body betray him so easily. He clears his throat and shakes his head, stepping aside so she can come in, if she likes.]
You didn't. And you aren't. Disturbing me, I mean.
[Clive takes a breath, finding he needs to steady himself for whatever reason.]
You can always speak with me, Jill. Even if I am asleep.
[While the fabric is still quite thin, he'll probably be relieved that it doesn't cling to Jill's body at all, nor does it hang higher than just below her knees. There are still curves that might distract, however subtle they are, and her hair is even untied - braid and all - but otherwise he is safe from temptation.
A feeling of relief washes over her. He isn't bothered. He isn't turning her away. Even so, Jill still feels as if she has to summon a little more fortitude. She wonders how much more he and Joshua know that went unsaid.She steps into his room, looking around.]
Thank you. Maybe I should have waited until the morning, but I felt like I couldn't anymore. It's just... I was hoping you could tell me what happened? When you rescued me. There is more to it than you or Joshua have said and I didn't want to pry about it, because I wanted you both to settle in.
[It was difficult, because she felt that if she didn't say everything she wanted to say, then she might not be able to ask him at all. Looking for the nearest place to sit - which happens to be the end of his bed, she looks up at him.]
I hope that it's alright that I ask now? I want to know.
[It's rare to see Jill in anything other than her usual adventuring clothes, even if Clive knows realistically she has other things to wear. Like now. There's nothing to be surprised about, but he can't help staring anyway. Not too long, of course, not when she's come to him to talk about important matters.
He turns away to close the door, but hesitates to shut it entirely. What would it look like, even just to Joshua, to invite a woman into his room at night? What if Jill doesn't want to stay beyond hearing what Clive has to say? Ah, but while Clive believes Joshua is aware of one of the bigger developments since Kanver, the other...isn't something he wants his younger brother to hear. Assuming he even gets around to telling Jill. That's a bridge he'll cross when he gets to it, he supposes.
So he shuts the door completely before joining Jill on the edge of his bed.]
You're not prying. I...shouldn't have waited this long.
[Clive breathes in. Nowhere else to start than at the beginning.]
After Barnabas captured you, Mid made improvements to the Enterprise so she would be able to catch up to the Einherjar. We eventually did. Torgal and I found you, but Barnabas started fighting Joshua and split the sea in the process. We, and the Einherjar, fell to the bottom where Barnabas found us.
[Clive pauses, this detail still smarting.]
He bested me a second time.
[Hands gripping the edge of the bed, he leans forward a little.]
The sea began to fall back in on itself and you froze a path for us so we could reach Ash. We had to wait for the others to come rescue us.
[And this is where Clive really starts to falter. The details up to this point have been simple and straightforward, even if they do make him feel like a failure. But that night on the beach...]
[It isn’t hard to catch him staring. It makes her feel self conscious and something else she couldn’t put into words. It didn’t bother her that he was looking. She watches him as he deliberates before closing the door, listening to him and trying not to be completely aware of how close they are when they sit on the bed together.
She could feel his frustration as he described everything up to their escape. Her hand immediately moves to cover his, the worry crystal clear on her face. She never wanted to see Clive hurt like that again.]
As long as you weren’t hurt again, that’s what matters. I was terrified when I saw Joshua holding you up and dragging you away.
[She takes his hand, hoping he might release the tension and frustration.]
We didn’t…?
[What did they do while waiting? It felt like she came away with more questions than answers.]
I recovered faster this second time. He won't kill me. He won't kill Mythos.
[He spits out that name, hating every connection he has to it.]
He'll just wait for me to grow stronger or...or give up. Give myself to Ultima.
[Clive looks down to see her hand covering his own, his breath hitching. Just like that night. The desire to take her into his arms and...and at least hold her, if not outright kiss her rises up inside him, but he swallows it down. Not yet. He hasn't even really told her anything.]
Don't apologize. If you haven't experienced it, you cannot be expected to know.
[He turns his hand over beneath hers, so they can rest palm to palm. And when he opens his mouth again, almost entirely of its own volition, he whispers his first confession.]
[Her own breath catches in her throat as they both realize and remember that first night they had reunited. Had Gav not interrupted, they likely would have kissed. No one was here to interrupt them now.
When she speaks, her voice is low, as if afraid of ruining the moment. She felt the pull to be closer and do something about that distance between them.]
You will beat him. I know you will.
[Jill laces their fingers together, not missing a beat. Her mouth opens and closes when he mentions Shiva, tells her that she has given her to him. She wasn’t the happiest about it but doesn’t doubt him.]
I see. I’m sure I had my reasons.
[She leans in somewhat, looking up at him. There was no expectation of anything, but she could not deny the pull anymore.]
If it will help you fight then I’m glad. Did something else happen to change my mind and give her to you?
[He looks down at their hands, wishing it hadn't been accompanied by him giving her less than pleasant news. That night on the beach, Jill had reassured him that she wanted to do it, but her reaction here leaves him with some doubt and a little bit of guilt. He has only consciously had Ifrit for about five years, but she has had Shiva for far longer. Despite the pain that Eikon's existence has caused her, she's also the only one Jill has had all this time.
And then she was gone in the span of a few moments. Clive has no idea how that feels.]
You know how I am. That I fight for those I love and take their burdens as my own, even if I'm not alone. You told me as much and said you were going to help me.
[Glancing up from their hands, Clive is a little surprised to see her so close but doesn't pull away. He raises his other hand to brush some of her hair out of her face.]
[Jill feels relief that is the conclusion they came to. She wasn’t going to let him shoulder it alone.]
Good. The last thing I want is to watch you charge in alone. I don’t think I could have given her up only to watch you do that. I do still want to help you.
[She closes her eyes for a moment when he touches her. It made her heart race only slightly. She looks up at him again, trying to fight the urge to just lean into him and close that space between them.]
Thank you for saving me, Clive.
[He had a few times now. They saved each other. She didn’t want him to do anything alone. It would have been too much to bear. Unable to keep the distance between then anymore, she reaches for him in turn, resting her palm against his cheek.]
[Without her. Not Shiva alone, but Jill. She stood by him when they returned to Phoenix Gate, he supported her when they infiltrated the Iron Kingdom. That's how it should be between them.
His fingertips gently trail down to her cheek even as she touches his own and he feels his heart pound furiously in his chest. Which is absurd. He's done this before and yet it feels so different and new.]
As long as I draw breath, I will always save you.
[But he can't keep himself in check forever, not when he knows what Jill tastes like and how soft her lips are. His hand moves to the back of her neck, keeping her steady as he leans in and presses his lips to her own.]
[He isn’t the only one affected. When he kisses her, Jill immediately responds by tangling her free hand in his hair. She is still surprised by it, a soft gasp escaping when his mouth meets hers. How many times had she imagined this in the last five years? There had always been more important things to dwell on so it was pushed aside.
She leans into him, her other hand and still holding fast to his. Distantly, she knows this might be inappropriate, being in his room alone and in her night clothes. She can’t seem to find it in herself to care.
It feels as if the air has been sucked out of the room. A soft needy sound escapes between kisses but she isn’t sure what exactly she needs beyond him kissing her. Kissing him is new and wonderful and she doesn’t want it to end.]
Edited (I swear to god I just write jibberish) Date: 2023-09-20 02:19 pm (UTC)
[As he closes his eyes, it almost feels just like that night. Except dryer. And without the chill of the ocean breeze. And they're still clothed.
So maybe not just like the beach. Maybe Clive's body is just eager to relive memories. Because despite the discomfort and the self-doubt, that night was one of the best of his life. Just him and Jill, being honest and vulnerable and there for each other with only the moon and Metia as their witness.
And Torgal, but Clive doesn't think about that.
His hand travels down from her neck to rest at the small of her back, fingers splaying over the expanse. They keep kissing and it's wonderful and Clive has half a mind to pull her down to the bed and keep going, but two things happen.
Jill makes that noise, which shoots straight to Clive's groin and makes thinking extremely difficult. Then, whatever is left of his mind screams at him to tell her, tell her! and he stops kissing her entirely, though he keeps her close.
He should tell her. This feels...false, otherwise, and Jill deserves the truth. But then what will the truth accomplish? Anything? She is clearly receptive to him right now, as she had been on the beach. He doesn't know. He doesn't know.
But telling her about Shiva without any huge preamble turned out all right. Maybe...
Clive drags his lips away as he catches his breath, taking a moment to rest their foreheads together.]
[Already, she feels swept up in the moment, his hand on her back doing things to her that made her mind race and her hand hold fast to the front of his shirt. She still hasn’t let go of his hand.
His mouth is hot and she doesn’t care about anything else. Worries about going slow are starting to be flung out of the window. She wants him to keep touching her, even if distantly she knows they should stop.
He makes the choice for them, though he keeps his hand on her back and their foreheads touching. Absently, her fingers trail through the strands of his hair. She has to remember how to breathe as she listens to him and then absorbs this new information.]
Oh.
[His words sink in, relief washing over her. Yes, talking about Shiva was important but she knew him better than that. He had been more worried about telling her this. It was likely not even Joshua knew. He had been carrying it alone.]
Were you worried about how I would feel about it?
[She pulls back slightly to look at his face.]
I’m sorry that you had to be the only one to remember. I wish I did, because… I know I would still make the same choice.
[It was embarrassing to admit that yes she would still sleep with him, but it felt more important - more right - if she had remembered from the start. Maybe it didn’t matter at all how or when they got there, but she still felt guilty for not knowing.]
[Worry isn't quite the right word, though Clive doesn't know what is. He lets her talk, even though her admission doesn't quell his desire at all. The hand on her back presses a little more insistently, his fingers gripping the fabric of her chemise.]
Don't apologize. It's not your fault. I just...
[He glances down at their joined hands.]
After everything you've been through... Even if it's only knowledge, I won't - I can't keep it from you.
[He raises their hands and brushes his lips over her knuckles.]
But neither do I want you to feel obligated. You don't owe me anything, Jill.
Then I take back my apology. You shouldn't apologize either for not telling me sooner. I was trying to give you and Joshua both space.
[She lets go of his shirt, which she realizes that she had been holding onto at some point during their kiss. She is also aware of his hand on her back. When his lips touch her knuckles, it feels as if heat has passed all through out her body. He always took such care with her - whether it was as small as helping her jump down from high places or as big as helping her face her demons.]
Clive. I'm not completely surprised by what you're telling me, because I know myself well enough and I know you. I promise, I am not forcing myself. I don't know if that is what you mean, but I want you to hear it. I wanted to kiss you.
[For thirteen years, she had been forced to be a weapon and had almost given up on living entirely. Clive had saved her from that fate. They had been side by side for five years now. That wasn't for nothing. It meant something to her. He had given her back freedom and choices and more than that, they were together again after all of that pain and suffering that they both had felt for so long. Why couldn't they both take a small bit of happiness for themselves?]
[Clive finds it a little difficult to breathe as Jill reassures him. He doesn't doubt her interest in him, of course, but hearing it definitely helps calm his own hesitancy.
But Founder, those last words. I wanted to kiss you.
A whine traps itself in his throat and Clive's hand at her back clutches the fabric tighter.]
Jill...
[He presses forward and captures her lips again, his kisses still gentle but a little more confident now. He's still new to this, but a diligent learner, and if any lesson is worth mastering, it's pleasing Jill.
To make her happy. To see her smile again.
Clive pulls away again, a little breathless.]
If...it would not be disagreeable, I should like to kiss you every day.
[It's still so much to take in - the fact that he is kissing her at all, the fact that they apparently spent a night together - but it didn't matter. Any worries about the fact that she didn't remember melt further away each time they kiss. When his mouth meets hers again, her hands move automatically to frame his face, thumb tracing the old scar on his cheek. It was embarrassing how much she wanted to just spend the night kissing him.]
Every day? I think I could agree to that. I hope it's at least more than once a day?
[She's definitely teasing, but mostly because his earnest request made her happy. Fondly, she brushes her fingers through his bangs before placing a soft and lingering kiss to his lips.]
[Clive ducks his head, feeling a flush spread up his neck. How is it that it takes him so long to work up the courage to say such vulnerable things, but then Jill can answer him so easily with her own? But they've always been like this, haven't they? Clive unable to really open up for fear of rejection or simply not knowing how to express himself, Jill being much more grounded and willing to face things head-on.
It isn't bad. Her suggestion holds a certain appeal, as well. He raises his head for her, though, and welcomes the touch and the kiss, giving her as much time to instigate as she likes. The next chance he gets to breathe, however, Clive finally answers.]
[While the words do come easy, it is only with him and right now that she is mustering up the courage to say them. He may not see it, but there are some nerves involved. She knows that perhaps she should leave for the night but now that she is here, now that he has told her about Shiva and their spending the night together, it feels impossible to tear herself away from him. She wants to keep touching him and kissing him because that would make it all real.
While she has given him some distance to speak, it's far too much for her liking, so she leans in once more to kiss him. She has no experience to draw on, but it's not without showing him how much she does desire him. even if she doesn't know what that moment with him felt like, she does know she wants it eventually.
There was no rush, no fear of impending death here. It felt as if time stood still and maybe they could take their time. She just wants him to know, even if it's with a heated kiss and her fingers tracing his jaw, that she does want him. In the back of her mind, she knows she should probably leave, if only so they both could sleep. Would she even be able to sleep after this?]
[Jill's desire is very clear and that makes it difficult for Clive to do anything except pin her to the bed and keep her there. He's pretty sure she would let him, too.
They could. They could do just that. Jill has confessed she's willing to be with him and Clive...well. His own thoughts and actions are no longer secret, not that they should be with Jill. They have no reason to hold back.
Still, Clive doesn't feel as if they should fall right into it. He's given her two life-changing pieces of information, back-to-back, and even if she has taken them well, these things take time to sink in. Clive intends to give Jill all the time in the world. For this, for them, for anything.
...That doesn't mean he isn't unaffected by her affections, though. With each new kiss, he grows more and more breathless and he wants, he wants her so terribly. He finally moves his hand from her back and rests both of them on her waist, holding her steady even as his thumbs rub along her sides over her thin nightgown. The thought of parting and letting her go back to her own room for the night leaves him feeling empty.]
[His hands on her waist are distracting enough that she wonders if that is a wise decision, but she also doesn’t want to go back to her room either.]
I hated giving you space and I hated feeling like it would only be a bother to you the longer I waited to ask you about everything.
[It is that desire to just be with him that makes her say yes in the first place. It could be more responsible to just say no. She can’t bring herself to do that at present.]
[Clive nods, his lips turning up in a tiny smile. Being near Jill is what he desires most right now. If he ends up not being able to keep his hands to himself, or Jill does the same, then that's a sacrifice he'll have to make.]
You're never a bother, Jill.
[He raises a hand to brush his fingers over her cheek and presses a chaste kiss to her lips.]
I will always be here for you. When you need to talk or...or anything. Just as you have been here for me.
[He touches her face tenderly again, then breathes out and stands up so he can turn out the light. When he comes back, he turns down the blankets on the bed and gestures for Jill to make herself comfortable.]
[For such a simple kiss, it made her want to melt into him. The small smile, the way he sighed, the way he touched her - all of it made her feel like it could be so easy to want and to ask him for more. He was Clive. He always put her feelings first. She was grateful for the fact of being allowed to make choices or voice her feelings at all.
She watches him move about, turning off the light and then pulling back the bedding for her to get in first and when she does, she finally whispers back to him, almost afraid of breaking the moment as she settles into bed and looks up at him.]
It’s the same for me. I shouldn’t have thought to avoid you before.
[She hopes that he won’t reject her when he decides to join her as she fully plans to move into his arms.]
[Clive joins her under the blanket, taking a few moments to settle in more properly. At least, until Jill closes the distance between them. He allows it without argument, shifting so they both can lie comfortably.
Jill's weight against his chest feels right, too, and it gives him the opportunity to run his fingers over her hair, playing with the ends that frame her face.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2023-09-19 08:45 pm (UTC)Tomorrow, he tells himself. Tonight, he'll get some rest and prepare himself.
But as he undresses in preparation for said rest, there comes a knock on his door and that devastatingly familiar voice outside. Ah. So it seems he might have this conversation earlier than expected. That's probably for the best. He takes a breath and moves to the door, opening it.
He's just dressed in a shirt and trousers which is not the most proper for receiving a woman so late at night - thought that in and of itself is also not so proper - but he doesn't want to keep her waiting.]
Jill. Is everything all right?
no subject
Date: 2023-09-19 10:26 pm (UTC)Oh. [A look of surprise appears briefly on her face. There were other feelings attached to that, of course. As there seemed to be ever since they had found one another again. There had been so much going on that little time was spent dwelling on such things. Now was no exception. The conversation she wants to have is important.]
Did I wake you?
[For a moment she falters, wondering if she should ask him tomorrow.]
I just... I was hoping we could talk? If I'm not disturbing you.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-19 11:12 pm (UTC)That thought nearly distracts him, until he remembers that she doesn't and he isn't about to let his body betray him so easily. He clears his throat and shakes his head, stepping aside so she can come in, if she likes.]
You didn't. And you aren't. Disturbing me, I mean.
[Clive takes a breath, finding he needs to steady himself for whatever reason.]
You can always speak with me, Jill. Even if I am asleep.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-20 12:25 am (UTC)A feeling of relief washes over her. He isn't bothered. He isn't turning her away. Even so, Jill still feels as if she has to summon a little more fortitude. She wonders how much more he and Joshua know that went unsaid.She steps into his room, looking around.]
Thank you. Maybe I should have waited until the morning, but I felt like I couldn't anymore. It's just... I was hoping you could tell me what happened? When you rescued me. There is more to it than you or Joshua have said and I didn't want to pry about it, because I wanted you both to settle in.
[It was difficult, because she felt that if she didn't say everything she wanted to say, then she might not be able to ask him at all. Looking for the nearest place to sit - which happens to be the end of his bed, she looks up at him.]
I hope that it's alright that I ask now? I want to know.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-20 03:53 am (UTC)He turns away to close the door, but hesitates to shut it entirely. What would it look like, even just to Joshua, to invite a woman into his room at night? What if Jill doesn't want to stay beyond hearing what Clive has to say? Ah, but while Clive believes Joshua is aware of one of the bigger developments since Kanver, the other...isn't something he wants his younger brother to hear. Assuming he even gets around to telling Jill. That's a bridge he'll cross when he gets to it, he supposes.
So he shuts the door completely before joining Jill on the edge of his bed.]
You're not prying. I...shouldn't have waited this long.
[Clive breathes in. Nowhere else to start than at the beginning.]
After Barnabas captured you, Mid made improvements to the Enterprise so she would be able to catch up to the Einherjar. We eventually did. Torgal and I found you, but Barnabas started fighting Joshua and split the sea in the process. We, and the Einherjar, fell to the bottom where Barnabas found us.
[Clive pauses, this detail still smarting.]
He bested me a second time.
[Hands gripping the edge of the bed, he leans forward a little.]
The sea began to fall back in on itself and you froze a path for us so we could reach Ash. We had to wait for the others to come rescue us.
[And this is where Clive really starts to falter. The details up to this point have been simple and straightforward, even if they do make him feel like a failure. But that night on the beach...]
...Jill. We didn't just...wait.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-20 04:33 am (UTC)She could feel his frustration as he described everything up to their escape. Her hand immediately moves to cover his, the worry crystal clear on her face. She never wanted to see Clive hurt like that again.]
As long as you weren’t hurt again, that’s what matters. I was terrified when I saw Joshua holding you up and dragging you away.
[She takes his hand, hoping he might release the tension and frustration.]
We didn’t…?
[What did they do while waiting? It felt like she came away with more questions than answers.]
I’m sorry… for not remembering all of this.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-20 05:13 am (UTC)[He spits out that name, hating every connection he has to it.]
He'll just wait for me to grow stronger or...or give up. Give myself to Ultima.
[Clive looks down to see her hand covering his own, his breath hitching. Just like that night. The desire to take her into his arms and...and at least hold her, if not outright kiss her rises up inside him, but he swallows it down. Not yet. He hasn't even really told her anything.]
Don't apologize. If you haven't experienced it, you cannot be expected to know.
[He turns his hand over beneath hers, so they can rest palm to palm. And when he opens his mouth again, almost entirely of its own volition, he whispers his first confession.]
You gave Shiva to me.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-20 09:32 am (UTC)When she speaks, her voice is low, as if afraid of ruining the moment. She felt the pull to be closer and do something about that distance between them.]
You will beat him. I know you will.
[Jill laces their fingers together, not missing a beat. Her mouth opens and closes when he mentions Shiva, tells her that she has given her to him. She wasn’t the happiest about it but doesn’t doubt him.]
I see. I’m sure I had my reasons.
[She leans in somewhat, looking up at him. There was no expectation of anything, but she could not deny the pull anymore.]
If it will help you fight then I’m glad. Did something else happen to change my mind and give her to you?
no subject
Date: 2023-09-20 10:41 am (UTC)And then she was gone in the span of a few moments. Clive has no idea how that feels.]
You know how I am. That I fight for those I love and take their burdens as my own, even if I'm not alone. You told me as much and said you were going to help me.
[Glancing up from their hands, Clive is a little surprised to see her so close but doesn't pull away. He raises his other hand to brush some of her hair out of her face.]
You did.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-20 11:08 am (UTC)Good. The last thing I want is to watch you charge in alone. I don’t think I could have given her up only to watch you do that. I do still want to help you.
[She closes her eyes for a moment when he touches her. It made her heart race only slightly. She looks up at him again, trying to fight the urge to just lean into him and close that space between them.]
Thank you for saving me, Clive.
[He had a few times now. They saved each other. She didn’t want him to do anything alone. It would have been too much to bear. Unable to keep the distance between then anymore, she reaches for him in turn, resting her palm against his cheek.]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-20 11:46 am (UTC)[Without her. Not Shiva alone, but Jill. She stood by him when they returned to Phoenix Gate, he supported her when they infiltrated the Iron Kingdom. That's how it should be between them.
His fingertips gently trail down to her cheek even as she touches his own and he feels his heart pound furiously in his chest. Which is absurd. He's done this before and yet it feels so different and new.]
As long as I draw breath, I will always save you.
[But he can't keep himself in check forever, not when he knows what Jill tastes like and how soft her lips are. His hand moves to the back of her neck, keeping her steady as he leans in and presses his lips to her own.]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-20 12:31 pm (UTC)She leans into him, her other hand and still holding fast to his. Distantly, she knows this might be inappropriate, being in his room alone and in her night clothes. She can’t seem to find it in herself to care.
It feels as if the air has been sucked out of the room. A soft needy sound escapes between kisses but she isn’t sure what exactly she needs beyond him kissing her. Kissing him is new and wonderful and she doesn’t want it to end.]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-20 07:10 pm (UTC)So maybe not just like the beach. Maybe Clive's body is just eager to relive memories. Because despite the discomfort and the self-doubt, that night was one of the best of his life. Just him and Jill, being honest and vulnerable and there for each other with only the moon and Metia as their witness.
And Torgal, but Clive doesn't think about that.
His hand travels down from her neck to rest at the small of her back, fingers splaying over the expanse. They keep kissing and it's wonderful and Clive has half a mind to pull her down to the bed and keep going, but two things happen.
Jill makes that noise, which shoots straight to Clive's groin and makes thinking extremely difficult. Then, whatever is left of his mind screams at him to tell her, tell her! and he stops kissing her entirely, though he keeps her close.
He should tell her. This feels...false, otherwise, and Jill deserves the truth. But then what will the truth accomplish? Anything? She is clearly receptive to him right now, as she had been on the beach. He doesn't know. He doesn't know.
But telling her about Shiva without any huge preamble turned out all right. Maybe...
Clive drags his lips away as he catches his breath, taking a moment to rest their foreheads together.]
Jill, there's...something else.
[He swallows.]
We spent the night together.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-20 08:11 pm (UTC)His mouth is hot and she doesn’t care about anything else. Worries about going slow are starting to be flung out of the window. She wants him to keep touching her, even if distantly she knows they should stop.
He makes the choice for them, though he keeps his hand on her back and their foreheads touching. Absently, her fingers trail through the strands of his hair. She has to remember how to breathe as she listens to him and then absorbs this new information.]
Oh.
[His words sink in, relief washing over her. Yes, talking about Shiva was important but she knew him better than that. He had been more worried about telling her this. It was likely not even Joshua knew. He had been carrying it alone.]
Were you worried about how I would feel about it?
[She pulls back slightly to look at his face.]
I’m sorry that you had to be the only one to remember. I wish I did, because… I know I would still make the same choice.
[It was embarrassing to admit that yes she would still sleep with him, but it felt more important - more right - if she had remembered from the start. Maybe it didn’t matter at all how or when they got there, but she still felt guilty for not knowing.]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-20 10:32 pm (UTC)Don't apologize. It's not your fault. I just...
[He glances down at their joined hands.]
After everything you've been through... Even if it's only knowledge, I won't - I can't keep it from you.
[He raises their hands and brushes his lips over her knuckles.]
But neither do I want you to feel obligated. You don't owe me anything, Jill.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-21 04:04 am (UTC)Then I take back my apology. You shouldn't apologize either for not telling me sooner. I was trying to give you and Joshua both space.
[She lets go of his shirt, which she realizes that she had been holding onto at some point during their kiss. She is also aware of his hand on her back. When his lips touch her knuckles, it feels as if heat has passed all through out her body. He always took such care with her - whether it was as small as helping her jump down from high places or as big as helping her face her demons.]
Clive. I'm not completely surprised by what you're telling me, because I know myself well enough and I know you. I promise, I am not forcing myself. I don't know if that is what you mean, but I want you to hear it. I wanted to kiss you.
[For thirteen years, she had been forced to be a weapon and had almost given up on living entirely. Clive had saved her from that fate. They had been side by side for five years now. That wasn't for nothing. It meant something to her. He had given her back freedom and choices and more than that, they were together again after all of that pain and suffering that they both had felt for so long. Why couldn't they both take a small bit of happiness for themselves?]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-22 11:09 pm (UTC)But Founder, those last words. I wanted to kiss you.
A whine traps itself in his throat and Clive's hand at her back clutches the fabric tighter.]
Jill...
[He presses forward and captures her lips again, his kisses still gentle but a little more confident now. He's still new to this, but a diligent learner, and if any lesson is worth mastering, it's pleasing Jill.
To make her happy. To see her smile again.
Clive pulls away again, a little breathless.]
If...it would not be disagreeable, I should like to kiss you every day.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-23 04:34 am (UTC)Every day? I think I could agree to that. I hope it's at least more than once a day?
[She's definitely teasing, but mostly because his earnest request made her happy. Fondly, she brushes her fingers through his bangs before placing a soft and lingering kiss to his lips.]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-23 08:05 am (UTC)It isn't bad. Her suggestion holds a certain appeal, as well. He raises his head for her, though, and welcomes the touch and the kiss, giving her as much time to instigate as she likes. The next chance he gets to breathe, however, Clive finally answers.]
If that is your wish, then you shall have it.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-23 03:43 pm (UTC)[While the words do come easy, it is only with him and right now that she is mustering up the courage to say them. He may not see it, but there are some nerves involved. She knows that perhaps she should leave for the night but now that she is here, now that he has told her about Shiva and their spending the night together, it feels impossible to tear herself away from him. She wants to keep touching him and kissing him because that would make it all real.
While she has given him some distance to speak, it's far too much for her liking, so she leans in once more to kiss him. She has no experience to draw on, but it's not without showing him how much she does desire him. even if she doesn't know what that moment with him felt like, she does know she wants it eventually.
There was no rush, no fear of impending death here. It felt as if time stood still and maybe they could take their time. She just wants him to know, even if it's with a heated kiss and her fingers tracing his jaw, that she does want him. In the back of her mind, she knows she should probably leave, if only so they both could sleep. Would she even be able to sleep after this?]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-24 05:56 am (UTC)They could. They could do just that. Jill has confessed she's willing to be with him and Clive...well. His own thoughts and actions are no longer secret, not that they should be with Jill. They have no reason to hold back.
Still, Clive doesn't feel as if they should fall right into it. He's given her two life-changing pieces of information, back-to-back, and even if she has taken them well, these things take time to sink in. Clive intends to give Jill all the time in the world. For this, for them, for anything.
...That doesn't mean he isn't unaffected by her affections, though. With each new kiss, he grows more and more breathless and he wants, he wants her so terribly. He finally moves his hand from her back and rests both of them on her waist, holding her steady even as his thumbs rub along her sides over her thin nightgown. The thought of parting and letting her go back to her own room for the night leaves him feeling empty.]
You could...stay here, tonight.
[His voice has grown a little hoarse.]
If you wish.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-24 07:24 am (UTC)[His hands on her waist are distracting enough that she wonders if that is a wise decision, but she also doesn’t want to go back to her room either.]
I hated giving you space and I hated feeling like it would only be a bother to you the longer I waited to ask you about everything.
[It is that desire to just be with him that makes her say yes in the first place. It could be more responsible to just say no. She can’t bring herself to do that at present.]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-24 09:47 am (UTC)You're never a bother, Jill.
[He raises a hand to brush his fingers over her cheek and presses a chaste kiss to her lips.]
I will always be here for you. When you need to talk or...or anything. Just as you have been here for me.
[He touches her face tenderly again, then breathes out and stands up so he can turn out the light. When he comes back, he turns down the blankets on the bed and gestures for Jill to make herself comfortable.]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-24 01:55 pm (UTC)She watches him move about, turning off the light and then pulling back the bedding for her to get in first and when she does, she finally whispers back to him, almost afraid of breaking the moment as she settles into bed and looks up at him.]
It’s the same for me. I shouldn’t have thought to avoid you before.
[She hopes that he won’t reject her when he decides to join her as she fully plans to move into his arms.]
no subject
Date: 2023-09-26 11:27 pm (UTC)[Clive joins her under the blanket, taking a few moments to settle in more properly. At least, until Jill closes the distance between them. He allows it without argument, shifting so they both can lie comfortably.
Jill's weight against his chest feels right, too, and it gives him the opportunity to run his fingers over her hair, playing with the ends that frame her face.]
We're here now. No harm done.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From: