pecsonthebeach | Caldera IC Inbox

[No, no, wait, he needs to do that again lest Joshua all but flies out the window in...embarrassment? He's come here to tell Clive something so important and Clive has fumbled his words.

He takes a breath and pushes himself to his feet, reaching a hand out to Joshua's shoulder, hoping to settle him.]

Forgive me. You...took me by surprise.

[He gives that shoulder a little squeeze, reassuring.]

This is joyous news.

[But then, voice softening somewhat, Clive has to ask, by virtue of being the elder brother - ]

You truly feel such depth for him?

[All of a sudden Joshua can feel the creeping tingle of shyness threatening to take hold of him. As easy as it was to tell Clive anything, this was something that he never really thought he would have to talk about with his brother. He remembers being little, asking Clive if mother and father would let him pick the person he could someday marry, to which Clive had reassured they would...but those were the musings of children, of one who especially knew nothing of romance beyond what he read in the pages of books at the castle or in plays.

In life Joshua hadn't been lucky in love. It would have been nice to experience but circumstances had made it impossible. The best he could do was support his brother and Jill in their happiness...but that didn't mean he was without yearning for his own. Now in death and life once renewed, the hunger for that kind of connection had grown. He had always been fond of Dion, Clive was well aware of that, but that fondness has blossomed into something more with the opportunity he had now been presented with.

It is joyous news, or so Joshua thinks it is, even if he feels embarrassment now colouring his cheeks and ears red.]

He is the only one I feel such a way toward. The only one who understands...what it's like to be like me.

[He bites his lower lip, smiling bashfully.]

Well, aside from you of course, but that's different.

[Naturally.]

[It isn't Clive's intention to make his brother even more embarrassed, merely to verify that Joshua's feelings aren't a momentary thing. Although even thinking such a thing about Joshua feels wrong. His heart has always been big and inviting, but even as a child his mind was strong enough to temper most fancies within reason.

Clive has no reason to doubt his strength all these years later.]

You're right, though. I remember even after the Remembrance Ceremony, you spoke of him for weeks. How excited you were to meet another Dominant like yourself.

[Clive breathes out a soft laugh.]

It might have been the first time I wasn't your favourite person.

[That was a strange feeling. For all of Joshua's life until that point, Clive had been his closest confidant. And then, suddenly, there was someone else in his life who made him feel joy. While Clive never truly felt as if Dion would replace him, it was hard to reconcile Joshua splitting his affections even more. Not even when Jill joined their family had Clive felt this way, probably because Jill had become so ingrained into their little unit that any affection Joshua showed her wasn't far from Clive.

Either way, it's all silliness. He knows that. Just because Joshua has found someone else to share in his love doesn't mean his family will suffer for it. And even if that were the case, Clive would want him to be happy first and foremost.]

You said Dion accepted. Does this mean you believe your feelings are reciprocated?

[Oh how his excitement lasted for weeks after the Remembrance Ceremony had ended. Joshua had been ecsatatic to meet a boy just like him, and the opportunity to forge a friendship beyond Clive and Jill had left him energized. Letters had been penned and sent, but of course it all came to an end thanks to that fateful night at Phoenix Gate. Still, the spark had been lit within Joshua's heart all those years ago and never was extinguished.]

Oh come on Clive, you know you'll always be my favourite. No matter what.

[Not even his adoration for Dion could supersede the importance Clive held in his heart. Even if his attachment to both was different, Clive would always be the one person he would always hold in the highest regard.

Clive's question has his smile faltering however, ever so slightly. In an instant he curses himself for it, knowing that his brother will have caught the downturn of the corners of his mouth, no matter how brief.]

Well...to an extent. I will never lay claim to his heart in full...but that is something I have accepted. He had a lover for over a decade...a friend he grew up with that was his closest confidant. How could I ever begin to replace such a bond? Nor would I ever want to. He is fond of me though. I know that much to be true.

[And that should be enough, right?]

Edited 2024-12-02 03:18 (UTC)

[...Ah. The flicker of that smile does catch Clive's attention. Of course, this situation doesn't come without its own outside influences, but they all learned from too young an age that real life doesn't play by the same rules as the storybooks that lived on his shelves in Rosalith. And Dion is attractive and with a good heart, so why wouldn't he have found someone in his own youth?

But the way Joshua speaks of this lover, in the past tense, Clive assumes this person has passed on. Or perhaps things didn't work out. So much has changed in Valisthea in the last handful of years alone, after all. Lovers could become enemies.

Not that any of this is actually his business. Joshua is, though, and his brows knit together again.]

You are content with his fondness?

[...Maybe that's a little accusatory.]

Forgive me, I just...worry. You always give so much of yourself. I can't bear the thought of you being left empty while someone else benefits but doesn't give anything back.

...I am.

[Or as content as he can be. It's hard not to be content when Dion had shown him care and had spoiled him rotten. He had made him feel and experience things he never dared to think he'd have the opportunity to. It wasn't as if the prince himself hadn't voiced similar concerns, ones Joshua had done his best to quell. It wasn't fair to him...but when had life ever been fair to him or any of them?]

If it calms you, he holds the same worries you do. That he won't be able to give himself to me the way he thinks I deserve...but I told him that it is okay. I don't need much.

[A hand instinctively raises to touch at his chest, free from the hellish mark Ultima had left upon it.]

He is kind, Clive. Cruel to himself, at times, but he holds nothing but kindness and fondness toward me. I do not mind being patient with him as he is patient with me in turn.

Edited 2024-12-02 04:19 (UTC)

[Joshua has made up his mind, as quietly headstrong as he ever was. And yet there's a tightness in Clive's chest that doesn't go away as he listens to all this. He can't help but feel like Joshua is settling just because he is so fond of Dion. But Joshua isn't blind, either.

Clive will forever be his brother's Shield, but sometimes there are battles that cannot rely on such a defense. In this case, all Clive can really do is step back and let Joshua live.

Slowly, he nods, then pulls Joshua into a hug.]

You've already made your decision. Even if I were to forbid it, it wouldn't do any good. I only have so much sway.

[He holds Joshua close for a few moments, perhaps longer than necessary, but the two of them have always found comfort in this embrace. A side effect of separation, maybe. Or the need to depend on each other when either of their parents wouldn't do.

With another deep breath, Clive pulls away.]

How should I assure Dion of my blessing, then? In person? I can put it in writing...

[The hug is unexpected but it's not unwelcome. It's never unwelcome. Joshua readily returns the embrace, settling his chin atop Clive's shoulder, soaking up the comfort and reassurance that comes with it. He's not wrong. He had already made his decision, and although he respects Clive's opinion he can't imagine what he'd do if he did forbid it for whatever reason. There's a brief moment of panic when his mind races to dark places, of what he'd do if he had to defy him...but that won't have to happen.

If only Clive knew just how much sway he did have over all of them.]

Thank you, Clive. I know you only have my best interests at heart. You're protecting me, even now.

[As for the best way to reassure Dion...]

Considering I gave him my confession and proposition in writing, another letter may cause him undue stress. I think in person would be better.

Caldera IC Inbox

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject